The Top

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By Dana - 10/05/2011 08:36 - Netherlands

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 157

You deserved it 12 140

Completely soaking

By wet and sad - 15/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 170

Review

By crub - 05/03/2009 15:10 - United States

Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 610

You deserved it 2 327

By management - 21/02/2014 02:31 - United States

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 163

You deserved it 7 389

By goldfish - 06/03/2012 02:47 - Canada

Today, I came home to an eviction notice after an apartment inspection. The reason? Having an unauthorized pet that could cause unnecessary damage to my suite. My pet is a goldfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 164

You deserved it 3 903

By wtfiswrongwithher - 07/05/2011 13:56 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 769

You deserved it 7 528

By badsinger - 04/06/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 092

You deserved it 15 561

Spooky

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 04:01

Today, I went to visit an ex-boyfriend in New York and slept at his place. In the night, while he was asleep, I had to pee really bad so I went to their one bathroom and found his mom passed out asleep on the toilet, leading me to pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 21:53 - Ireland

Today, I was getting funny looks all day. When I got home I realised that I was interrupted while doing my make-up this morning and completely forgot to fill in my second eye brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 964

You deserved it 28 806

Loser

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 01:00

Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 241

No need for a reason

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 04:01

Today, as I was bent over drying my legs after a shower, my girlfriend snuck behind me and pulled a hair off my ballsack for absolutely no good reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 226

Listen up

By Ryan - 01/09/2022 21:00 - Canada - Quesnel

Today, after getting off the phone with a client, I got horny so I put on some porn and cranked one out. After I'd finished, I realized I hadn't ended the call and neither had my client. They heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 2 118

By ak. - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 709

You deserved it 11 372

Cougartown

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 01:00

Today, my boyfriend met my mom and started acting strange. Then my dad came in and was instantly furious. Apparently, my boyfriend is the guy my mom cheated with that caused my parent's divorce. He’s 3 years younger than I am. Gross mom, just gross. Also I’m single again, damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 155

You deserved it 220

By Stuck - 12/02/2014 18:25 - United States - Evans

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 735

You deserved it 5 871

The joys of parenthood

By Anonymous - 07/09/2022 14:00

Today, I had my first "hot" dream in a while. In the dream, my husband and I finally got cozy and comfortable, but just as we were about to start our banging, our toddlers interrupted us. So, my kids are cockblocking me even in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 353

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 10/02/2014 15:40 - United States

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 002

You deserved it 21 121

By Anonymous - 28/02/2012 02:12 - United States

Today, I found out my wife cheated on me with a guy from her work three times, two months before I proposed to her. She decided to tell me three months into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 816

You deserved it 2 667

Help!

By ritz - 10/09/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I was leaving my job at a huge mall. I couldn't find my car anywhere, so I panicked and flagged a security officer. I cried while he drove me around for miles in the endless parking lot. Then, suddenly, I remembered. My friend had dropped me off in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 584

You deserved it 56 267

Not into it, sorry

By Foreverjerkingit - 11/09/2022 20:00

Today, it was my wedding night. My new wife decided that she was going to be “asexual” because “there are other ways to show your love without sex” and “If you wanna bust a nut, that’s what your hand is for.” She had the nerve to be confused as to why I am upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 393

Gotcha good

By fuck you, dad - 08/02/2014 20:54 - United States - Bellflower

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 841

You deserved it 18 679

By still learning - 26/02/2012 17:42 - Canada

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 089

You deserved it 7 977

By ashleynicolle - 25/02/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 698

You deserved it 36 964

It's my new look

By Fenny - 27/02/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 441

You deserved it 74 726

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 30/01/2013 22:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 887

You deserved it 2 505

By SadGuy - 26/04/2011 06:18 - United Kingdom

Today, the ex-girlfriend I'm still in love with sent me an old picture with the caption, "I miss us." She looked beautiful and happy. Too bad I'm not the guy she's kissing in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 579

You deserved it 3 801

By iailwkrb - 26/02/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 918

You deserved it 28 024

By mary - 21/02/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 871

You deserved it 9 144

Smashed

By Mr. Headshot - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should've told me she put a stick in it to support the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 209

You deserved it 3 648

So shite

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 18:00

Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 378

You deserved it 364

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The Top

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 457

You deserved it 3 004

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 589

You deserved it 19 676

Today, while licking maple syrup off my wife during foreplay, I probably shouldn't have referred to her breasts as pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 725

You deserved it 7 330

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 225

You deserved it 3 968

Today, I decided to make homemade french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 630

You deserved it 28 349

Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 924

You deserved it 1 428