The Top

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NSFK

By Juggernaut Drive - 31/10/2018 05:00

Today, my little sister got into my anime DVDs, probably thinking they were cartoons. She watched High School DXD, which isn't the best anime for a 6-year-old. Now she wants to be the Breast Dragon Emperor for Halloween and Dad is threatening to set fire to my entire collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 840

You deserved it 1 515

By Late marriage - 24/08/2017 14:00 - Australia

Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception. Later, when I asked him why, he said, "I was playing Legend of Zelda and had to finish my quest." He thinks this is an eligible excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 069

You deserved it 997

By GuitarChick42 - 04/04/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321 746

You deserved it 23 043

By Anonymous - 24/10/2017 06:00

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 594

You deserved it 7 193

By for my brother in law - 27/07/2016 07:10 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 884

You deserved it 6 785

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 779

You deserved it 12 106

By Brett - 03/04/2017 22:00

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 125

You deserved it 425

What's that sound?

By Ihavethickthighs - 07/09/2017 16:00

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 639

You deserved it 591

By TheLostCauseFML - 31/12/2017 08:00 - United States - Quitman

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 714

You deserved it 468

By sheyo - 05/03/2009 01:13 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 516

You deserved it 315 222

By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 274

You deserved it 336

By kclopez - 19/08/2017 23:15

Today, while going through customs at the airport, my bag was selected for screening. It was nearly overflowing because it was so full, so before the TSA agent searched it, I said, "Watch out - it's going to explode when you open it". Wrong choice of words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 4 860

Oops.

By Anonymous - 18/11/2017 01:30

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 884

You deserved it 1 130

By Acu7519 - 16/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 219

You deserved it 855

By LennyComa - 19/03/2017 00:00

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 602

You deserved it 943

Shady stuff

By NoDocVisit - 27/07/2016 02:27 - United States - Parrish

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doctor. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 190

You deserved it 1 132

By Anonymous - 13/03/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally received counselling for my horrible and irrational fear of abandonment. After sitting in the waiting room for two hours, I got a phone call from my therapist. She'd forgotten I was there and gone for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 720

You deserved it 290

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 349

You deserved it 2 780

By Anon - 23/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 193

You deserved it 480

By Jenny - 28/12/2017 15:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 965

You deserved it 1 671

By Hairball - 01/09/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 466

You deserved it 405 030

By Rob - 07/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 900

You deserved it 404

By job hunter - 18/05/2017 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 575

You deserved it 337

White lie

By Sorrymom - 11/08/2017 01:30

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 493

You deserved it 928

By Anonymous - 05/11/2017 15:00

Today, my husband accused me of cheating on him and demanded to look through my phone. When he found nothing, he admitted to having his first gay experience this weekend and just wanting something to “even the field” before telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 539

You deserved it 438

By thankskimi - 15/03/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568 331

You deserved it 40 598

Douchebag Alert!

By amy - 02/04/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my brother bragged about the number of break-up texts he sent this week while driving. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he was dating 3 girls, that he broke up with them over text, that he was texting and driving, or that he's proud of his actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 19/04/2018 19:15

Today, while getting my teeth cleaned, the dentist’s boobs kept hitting me. Normally I wouldn’t care, but she’s a new mother. There was milk on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 073

You deserved it 496

Abby Gut tells us more.

Abby Gut 25

Friday 6 April 2018 6:32

Considering I’m a teenage girl, yes I am complaining

By ch,nlv - 14/05/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I did artificial insemination. At the hospital, they mixed up the sperm and didn't realize until it was too late. I'm now pregnant with a stranger's baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 461

You deserved it 407

By Nessa - 10/05/2017 15:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom got out a camcorder she's had a while, saying that there were tapes of me from when I was a child. The first tape I put in was a porno starring her and her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 730

You deserved it 562

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The Top

Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 239

You deserved it 6 559

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 630

You deserved it 5 751

Today, I found out my son's girlfriend is actually a webcam porn star he pays for private sessions. He’s somehow convinced himself they have a real relationship, and is spending thousands of pounds every week, on his credit card I may add. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 430

You deserved it 274

Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the tiles broke. I'm assuming this is because my foot cushioned the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 753

You deserved it 4 264

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied, "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 258

You deserved it 10 172

Today, my lovely ex-mother-in-law died and now my ex has stopped talking to me. I found out through a mutual friend that we only had an amicable divorce in case his mother had left me money in her will, but now he’s got all her money, he didn’t even take time to invite me to the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 157