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By ArtistBlock - 17/08/2016 07:54 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I spent nearly seven hours clearing out our storage room in order to transform it into my art studio. Things were going great until I tweaked my back. At least from my stationary position in bed I have a perfect view of the table I can't work at for the next 2 to 4 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 197

You deserved it 1 383

By Mirorbo - 11/06/2011 06:09 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 432

You deserved it 3 699

That's rank

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 06:01 - Germany - Emden

Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 21/03/2013 10:43 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 361

You deserved it 21 853

Karma police

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, six months after my wife convinced me to open our relationship, I finally scored with a lovely lady. My wife threw the biggest fit in history. Apparently, she just wanted to fuck other men and didn't think anyone would be interested in me, and now she feels inadequate and threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 367

By anonymous - 20/03/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 265

You deserved it 4 740

By Tanner - 07/04/2012 02:26 - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 569

You deserved it 10 742

By Luke - 05/08/2010 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered how my ex-girlfriend exacted her revenge. Every item of clothing I own now has sequins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 606

You deserved it 11 797

By Username - 04/08/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 038

You deserved it 3 834

By not a dumbass pothead - 08/04/2014 22:04 - United States - Sparks

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 808

You deserved it 46 750

By lukey_G - 20/03/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 610

You deserved it 81 273

Pop Quiz Day

By FML Approved - 18/10/2017 22:00 - United States - New York

No thanks.

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 100

By IcyWinter - 02/04/2014 08:16 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 640

You deserved it 6 507

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 21:52 - United States - Lake Dallas

Spicy

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 561

You deserved it 53 302

Sorry Noah

By pummy - 30/09/2009 00:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number, I wanted to mess with my girlfriend a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 260

You deserved it 34 077

By nofriends - 01/06/2011 04:28 - Japan

Today, I wrote in my own yearbook with different styles of handwriting so my mom would think I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 368

You deserved it 15 054

You tried

By dumped - 26/07/2010 23:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 718

You deserved it 5 643

It's good for the planet

By Marcela - 18/03/2009 13:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 408

You deserved it 19 688

By Baustigt - 28/03/2012 11:19 - Australia - Perth

Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 434

You deserved it 7 496

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Spicy

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 737

You deserved it 33 308

Almost right

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 06:01

Today, I told my mom she made me feel unloved my whole life. She called my sister and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 83

By SHK519 - 25/03/2012 01:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I started a new blog that I've been planning for weeks. So far, the only comments I've received are a dozen spam links, two people correcting my grammar, and a lady telling me I'm going to burn in hell for calling the Pope a noob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 063

You deserved it 41 583

SHK519 tells us more.

SHK519 1

Sunday 25 March 2012 8:22

Hey, I'm the OP. For your information, my grammar was impeccable. The people correcting it were American readers "correcting" stuff such as "colour", "realise", and the usual suspects. As for calling the Pope a noob, it was joking. I was ranting about the Africa situation actually, and I said he's a noob to the real world if he thinks celibacy is going to fix it. Thanks for demonising me, though! Anyone who thinks I deserve to be threatened with eternal hellfire for writing my opinions is stupid. I've shut the thing down until I write more material, because people in general are ******* stupid.

By Anonymous - 27/05/2011 03:05 - United States

Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 811

You deserved it 3 231

By Anonymous - 26/09/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 637

You deserved it 3 559

By J Rush - 21/03/2012 11:46 - United Kingdom - Welshpool

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 262

You deserved it 3 252

Best day of my life

By poorgirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 348

You deserved it 3 513

By KennyJF7 - 15/03/2014 02:43 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, while mowing, I found a baby bunny and took a picture of it. 20 minutes later, I accidentally ran over said bunny with the mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 573

You deserved it 22 662

KennyJF7 tells us more.

KennyJF7 14

Sunday 16 March 2014 3:57

I'm the OP, and the bunny was in a patch of grass oddly taller than the rest, and I didn't know it was there until I backed up because I thought I hit a tennis ball for my dog.

By Anonymous - 22/11/2017 13:00 - Canada

Today, I booked my holiday flights. There's 700 miles between the small country I live in and the family I'm visiting, normally one 3-hour flight. Thanks to hurricanes Irma and Maria, the only available route traverses 1700 miles and will take 26 continuous hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 432

You deserved it 322

By Noname - 11/03/2009 20:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my Facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one with the smallest dick I've ever seen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 043

You deserved it 9 615

By rileycrash - 20/05/2011 02:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 793

You deserved it 6 915

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 797

You deserved it 823

Today, I was accused of racism for mentioning that an employee can't read. That would've been racist… if she could actually read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 95

Today, I tried cooking dinner from scratch for my date. Everything was going great until I realised the “icing sugar” I'd sprinkled all over the dessert was actually flour. She took one bite, coughed, and said, “So you’re more of a Uber Eats kinda girlie?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 364

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 060

You deserved it 3 850

Today, my ex of three years wanted me to comfort him because his new girlfriend broke up with him as well. And what do I do? I help him, I don’t fucking know why, and now he won’t leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 1 231

Today, and for years, we've had an old rifle on the wall in my dad's office that his grandad brought back from WW2. Purely on a whim because I was bored I took it down, aimed it at random things making "bang bang" noises. It was still loaded and now my dad's university diploma has a big big hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 1 770