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Today, on Maury…

By MIA - 15/09/2019 06:03

Today, my husband of four years finally told me he has an eight-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 180

Keep it down

By awwman - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24-hour, 7 days a week, religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 136

You deserved it 3 096

Get a move on!

By Anonymous - 09/06/2011 02:00 - United States

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 672

You deserved it 5 150

The Headmaster Ritual

By angry mama - 21/09/2019 00:01

Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 143

By annoyed teen - 13/04/2014 03:01 - United States - Boise

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 514

You deserved it 4 796

By Great - 09/04/2014 01:42 - United States - Katy

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 830

You deserved it 6 271

By kyle - 05/06/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 937

You deserved it 3 722

Slumming it

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my mum and I were moving the last of  my stuff into my new flat when I heard some creaking. The sound was  coming from the bathroom, so I went to check it out. As I stepped  through the door, the floor collapsed and the bathtub and I fell  right through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 123

Amazing idea, idiots

By zain - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 327

You deserved it 3 754

By Marie - 27/07/2010 07:46 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 272

You deserved it 5 169

DON'T MOVE!

By Miller_Time - 18/03/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 846

You deserved it 8 708

By Galaxy - 29/03/2014 17:03 - Belgium - Guigoven

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 515

You deserved it 7 320

Timing matters

By efff my life. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 153

You deserved it 4 428

By halfasleep - 27/03/2012 14:00 - United States - New Haven

Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 684

You deserved it 14 692

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 03:59

Today, my future mother-in-law blamed me for the death of her husband because I should have taken him to the ER when she didn't feel like it. She then blamed me for her getting a new boyfriend less than two months later and making her son hate her when she insisted he call the guy "Dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 101

By seriously - 05/03/2013 00:43 - United States - Goshen

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 104

You deserved it 18 524

By shouldagone2work - 24/09/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 076

You deserved it 4 739

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 06:00

Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 226

By Spatch - 24/09/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 265

You deserved it 3 279

By DanniRae - 13/03/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 337

You deserved it 70 746

By annoyed - 20/02/2013 20:33 - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 214

You deserved it 2 774

By ealovan - 03/03/2014 05:18 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I have exactly 204 snowflakes saved onto my computer, all of which I made on this snowflake-making website. This is what my life has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 938

You deserved it 9 695

He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

By padmelover - 27/08/2022 22:00

Today, my dad said I need to stop playing with toys and threw my lightsaber out of the window. It was a replica of the Lightsaber used by Mark Hamill, made from the same type handle from a 1970s camera, just like the film prop. It was over 40 years-old and worth thousands. Not anymore, as it's now scratched and in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 208

Woah!

By Mel - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 305

You deserved it 13 080

The man don't give a ****

By Nachos4lifs - 08/11/2019 01:00

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people, hoping to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 783

You deserved it 488

It's probably considered art

By firestar772 - 11/02/2013 15:48 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 040

You deserved it 4 479

Give me strength

By wtbfiber - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 533

You deserved it 6 468

By Sean - 03/03/2012 07:33 - Canada

Today, while my plane took off, I was forced to sit and watch as somebody rear-ended my car in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 664

You deserved it 4 734

By 0ros - 12/09/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 812

You deserved it 4 382

By Username - 04/05/2011 03:24

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 271

You deserved it 4 120

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 453

You deserved it 2 563

Today, I showed up to an important meeting 20 minutes late, claiming I couldn't find my keys. They were in my hand the whole time, and I realized it just as I reached for the doorknob. Everyone saw me pause mid-step, staring at my hand in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 470

Today, I was terminated from my job. This comes after I sent HR an email about an inappropriate relationship between my manager and a counselor. Seems like I should have kept my mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 559

You deserved it 4 519

Today, my husband wants to leave me because I’m “taking too long” to recover from my C-section and he’s “tired of jerking off.” His logic is that he recovered in 6 weeks after he got 12 stitches on his leg, and, “I’ll be fine.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 175

Today, my husband told me he’s gay, has a boyfriend and will be living with him, but he wants to stay married because it has good tax benefits, plus our joint mortgage, and if he comes out to his father he’ll be cut from the will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 119

Today, I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend, who is going out with someone else now. At least I now know that he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 674

You deserved it 4 373