The Top

I'm the only person on the second floor. We have HIGHLY explosive chemicals in the labs on the first floor. I'd rather have a broken leg than blow up and die.

By left out wet - 22/06/2019 22:08

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 257

By Jeff - 15/07/2014 20:37 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 645

You deserved it 11 820

By Blondegirl - 07/11/2009 12:55 - United States

Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 919

You deserved it 5 331

Thanks, I hate it!

By pleasebackintomycaragain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 639

You deserved it 3 400

Tantrum

By brokedad - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 309

You deserved it 7 588

By crapgirl - 18/04/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 136

You deserved it 3 766

By fuq - 22/05/2012 18:42 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 897

You deserved it 2 780

By Anonymous - 21/06/2014 15:15 - United States - Boulder

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 934

You deserved it 5 293

Brief encounter

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year-old dog that had been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 261

You deserved it 4 064

By greeter - 18/10/2016 06:49 - Canada - Willow Grove

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 100

You deserved it 3 426

Yummy

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: Golden Retrievers running through a field, then eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 503

You deserved it 24 498

By gibbette - 28/04/2013 17:32 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 599

You deserved it 7 323

Get me out of here

By seekerglow176 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Natick

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about buttfucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 681

You deserved it 5 356

By EpicFailAtItsFinest - 13/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 531

You deserved it 19 534

By PositiveElectron - 27/08/2015 19:52 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 700

You deserved it 1 524

By storyteller - 04/10/2016 16:29 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I noticed I've been an Amazon Prime member for 2 years and never knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 481

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 07/06/2014 05:15 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 421

You deserved it 4 829

By Anonymous - 09/09/2010 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 581

You deserved it 4 484

By JadeDemolition - 24/08/2015 01:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 677

You deserved it 8 811

By gl0b3suck0r - 08/05/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 422

You deserved it 4 649

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I had two different tennis shoes on all day and no one noticed, including myself. When I mentioned it to my family, they told me not to worry about it because no one pays attention me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 146

Today, my wife has been going to a "women's group" for the last couple of months. She now refuses to do anything around the house, blatantly spoils our daughter, and talks to our son like he's mentally incompetent. She insists that she's just "reclaiming her power" but it makes everyone else miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 249

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 603

You deserved it 2 979

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 268

You deserved it 767

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 660

You deserved it 22 767

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 161