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By badgirl - 21/06/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, I Googled myself. I found my mugshot and a blog my mom had written about how much of a problem child I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 366

You deserved it 23 651

It's a trap!

By Ahook1 - 23/08/2010 23:31 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 416

You deserved it 54 357

By fml9124 - 31/08/2019 22:00

Today, it's our 32nd wedding anniversary. Two weeks ago I caught a cold on an airplane. Since I got back, she hasn't kissed or let me touch her. I'm still coughing. She says maybe it's not a cold, maybe it's TB. She's left to stay in a hotel until I get better or die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 182

By I suck :( - 07/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 030

You deserved it 62 999

By Jimmy Joe - 08/09/2017 20:00

Today, I went to Houston to help with hurricane relief and to donate supplies. Later, I realized that I'd accidentally donated a bag that had my brand new truck keys in it. I've been waiting for 5 hours already to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 896

We can see you

By crunknasty - 30/03/2013 05:19 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 076

You deserved it 62 055

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 18:46 - United States - Swartz Creek

Spicy

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 733

You deserved it 9 071

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 636

You deserved it 13 197

Get it on, bang a gong

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 15:00 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 242

By Patrick R - 09/06/2011 16:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 193

You deserved it 7 005

I hate it here

By ElaborateScheme - 14/08/2016 20:52 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all, except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 854

You deserved it 1 178

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 05:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 949

You deserved it 8 426

By anonymous - 01/04/2012 18:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 607

You deserved it 10 390

By washcaps - 04/08/2016 02:11 - United States - Bristow

Today, I sent a text to my volleyball group chat congratulating everyone who made the school team, which I hadn't. Someone removed me from the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 655

You deserved it 1 593

washcaps tells us more.

washcaps 11

Friday 5 August 2016 5:56

Hey everyone, OP here. (: First off, I would like to thank you guys for your nice comments, they made things better! And since I didn't have much room to explain, the group chat was consisted of the girls in the coed league we all played together in the winter, thus creating the chat. We all attend the same school and are all upcoming sophomores that tried out for JV. The competition was very hard. In the end the coach toke 6 sophomores, (all that played in same coed team) and 8 juniors. There were 9 of us in that didn't make it, also all 9 were in the chat. After I realized I was removed I was a little saddened and didn't quite understand why because it wasn't anything too much. A friend of mine that also didn't make it informed me that after I had been removed, she congratulated them too, and she had also been removed. So basically it's came into realization they aren't worth it and I'm more likely to try another sport but if I can't decide on one I might just practice more. Sorry it's long, and thank you if you read!

Spooky season has begun

By Anonymous - 04/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 162

I guess not

By Nick - 16/03/2009 05:08 - Canada

Today, I was talking to this girl I have dinner with every week. She’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. She said, "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was, "Aren't we?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 827

You deserved it 15 830

Drives

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, and for months now, the meds that stop me from killing myself have killed my sex drive. My boyfriend, being stressed at work, initially assured me that his was also non existent and not to worry. I found out he's been wanking every day and hiding it from me so I don't feel bad. Now I know, I feel fucking awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 449

You deserved it 662

By SG - 24/03/2012 12:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 435

You deserved it 37 492

Pick your moments, dude!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 354

By Dummy - 21/11/2017 05:00

Today, I found out that the little red dots all over my body aren't some horrible disease like I originally thought. They're bedbug bites. I've managed to not notice a huge infestation for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 534

You deserved it 1 150

Be warned

By JCC - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 727

You deserved it 13 158

By zztopspinner - 14/03/2012 19:11 - United States

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 715

You deserved it 36 554

By Anonymous - 13/07/2016 15:21 - United States - Dunkirk

Today, thanks to puberty, I have an acne rash around my mouth. Rumors are already flying around school saying I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 714

You deserved it 948

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 20:00

Today, my stepfather woke me up at two in the morning just to tell me he bought a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 14:33 - United States

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 291

You deserved it 16 332

Let it all hang out

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, my mom was pulling up weeds on the terrace while wearing gardening gloves. Why is that worth mentioning? Because that's literally all she was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 109

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 271

You deserved it 7 097

Waste of a phone call

By amIworthIt? - 30/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I called the suicide hotline after two months of recurring thoughts. I got put on hold by their machine, then was on call with someone who barely spoke English, got transferred to another building, so I was put on hold again, and finally got hung up on. I was already feeling pretty worthless, so thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 127

Narcissism

By during - 19/05/2010 12:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 486

You deserved it 7 341

You dolt!

By ilovefootball - 07/09/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 201

You deserved it 78 223

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Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 570

You deserved it 31 539

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because apparently, I'm a drug addict who can't speak without slurring and stumbling with my words. I have a recurring speech impediments and the stammer is definitely real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 177

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 840

You deserved it 5 596

Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 116

Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 071

You deserved it 1 120

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 289

You deserved it 7 887