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By Jim - 09/10/2017 13:00

Today, I was walking to the bus for my first day at my new school. I tripped in the darkness and split my chin open and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 364

You deserved it 279

Test failure

By That guy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was told that every week the grocery store I work for has a "mystery customer" who shops throughout the store and rates us. Our store has gotten straight 100s for the past two years, and I ruined their streak. Apparently, I was the worst they've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 806

You deserved it 3 789

Not so normal, no

By grossedoutgirlfriend - 04/10/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 386

Car Wash Disaster

By FML Approved - 03/11/2017 03:00

Wait for it... Wait for it... Holy crap!

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 236

Mom of the year

By Yuni - 08/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 577

You deserved it 383

By ShinyLadybird15 - 09/11/2017 00:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while shopping, I tried on a beautiful knee-length dress. It looked amazing and I decided to buy it, until the time came to take it off. A jammed zip meant 15 minutes of tugging before the manager cut me free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 561

You deserved it 350

By stillpoor - 14/03/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I found out I won a 20 000 dollar scholarship. After celebrating with my family by jumping around the room for a half-hour, we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name. When we called to tell her, she said it was weird because she had received my rejection letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191 759

You deserved it 23 539

Empathy City

By bald&ugly - 19/10/2019 02:00

Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 425

You deserved it 178

By foxfur - 14/07/2016 12:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 726

You deserved it 3 964

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Spicy

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 325

You deserved it 49 755

Richard

By hot sweet.... not - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with Play-Doh and made a sculpture that looked like a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 701

You deserved it 6 215

Help!

By clip_kate - 01/07/2016 02:36

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 324

You deserved it 1 408

By Iknowitlooksbad - 22/06/2016 05:16

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 466

You deserved it 2 886

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 2 304

By black and yellow - 21/01/2013 06:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 804

You deserved it 45 767

By chazzywazzy654 - 27/05/2016 13:20 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I woke up with intense pain and bruising. It turned out I'd suffered such a rare kind of wrist bone dislocation that the doctors aren't sure how to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 759

You deserved it 1 306

chazzywazzy654 tells us more.

chazzywazzy654 22

Saturday 28 May 2016 16:20

Can't believe this got posted! The consultant dr(who's above the dr who said it was dislocated) reckons that it might not be dislocated, that my wrist is just deformed. Had a massive bruise, I still have it, got a follow up appointment next week, I'll find out more then hopefully

He will

By Elissa Roth Gooden - 06/04/2020 14:00

Today, I actually got to meet actor George Takei. He was really sweet and charming, and I was just thrilled. When we parted, I wanted to say either, "I'll always remember this" or "I'll never forget this." It came out as, "I'll never remember this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 405

Offensive people work in TV? What a surprise!

By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 14:50 - United States - Frisco

Today, a TV crew filmed my house for a real estate show. They got an actor to pretend he owned the place but wanted to move. The host kept saying how shit my house is, and while talking about me with his producer, he said, "Know how I know he ain't a fag? Fags can actually decorate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 957

You deserved it 1 189

I want Jesus to come inside my heart

By Weirdo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 953

You deserved it 40 910

Stranger danger!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 710

You deserved it 52 206

Panic at the crosswalk

By Butterflyguy - 14/08/2009 17:10 - Canada

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 352

You deserved it 23 662

By Anonymous - 10/08/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 711

You deserved it 9 100

Piss off

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Sandown

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 368

You deserved it 1 635

Why People Break Bad

By Gnomead - 12/08/2018 18:30

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 217

You deserved it 223

By Notpunny - 18/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 205

You deserved it 7 875

Goldfinger

By Anonymous - 24/07/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 084

You deserved it 6 172

By deaddoggy - 02/03/2016 20:46 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 109

You deserved it 1 546

By whitewater_al - 10/07/2009 21:22 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 302

You deserved it 12 207

whitewater_al tells us more.

whitewater_al 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 10:32

well, I think I just realized why OP's don't respond to comments.

By Kayla - 06/10/2018 14:00

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 521

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The Top

The Top

Today, after I searched for three months and found the coolest jacket and was stoked, my fiancé and our guy friend both ordered the same jacket so we can all match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 222

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 286

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother why his relationship with a just-turned 18 year-old would be inappropriate. According to him, they’ve been “dating” for two years now but “haven’t had sex or anything.” He’s 39. He got mad at me for calling him a pedophile and smashed my glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 266

Today, my mother-in-law thinks she's the only person in the world who can stop the coronavirus crisis. So far, she has brought thyme, honey, lemons, parsley, ridiculously expensive and poisonous silver water and, of course, the cure-all: berry juice. You'd wonder how I have managed to keep my family alive until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 167

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 047

You deserved it 12 459

Today, after just two days of asking me to officially be his girlfriend, my boyfriend started following his ex-fiancé. When confronted, he admitted to chatting with her for over two hours about an important family matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 160