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By wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 439

You deserved it 3 082

By Anonymous - 17/09/2015 17:28 - United States - Macon

Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 372

You deserved it 2 457

By Waterer - 30/08/2015 17:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I watered a dying communal plant. I was fined $250 for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 917

You deserved it 1 785

By chiara - 26/08/2015 10:25 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I spent the day sobbing in my bedroom and talking shit about him on Facebook after blocking him. He ended up changing his mind and calling me, asking me to take him back. Now I have to awkwardly explain to everyone that we're back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 617

You deserved it 43 282

The tape

By floff - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 893

You deserved it 299

By Anonymous - 07/10/2017 01:30

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 031

You deserved it 245

Glade

By stinkystinky - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 955

You deserved it 968

By ReallyBro - 21/03/2012 07:27 - United States - Keller

Spicy

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 566

You deserved it 11 394

By lolzor - 12/03/2009 12:07 - Australia

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 495

You deserved it 106 104

By IcedTaco - 13/07/2016 19:40 - Ukraine

Today, the guy I was dating told me he thought I was a good person. His reasoning? I'm not ugly enough to be a bad person, but I'm not pretty enough, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 683

You deserved it 880

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 17:45 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I overheard my friends laughing about how my anxiety means I'll be single forever. I was too anxious to confront them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 967

You deserved it 1 592

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 892

By aishahahaha_ - 19/06/2016 00:34 - Zambia - Lusaka

Today, I walked in on my sister and a few of my roommates planning a surprise party for a fellow roommate whose birthday is a week away. My birthday was yesterday. No one remembered. Not even my own sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 825

You deserved it 770

By janedoe - 12/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 839

You deserved it 12 757

By sewdevastated - 18/05/2016 02:02 - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my mother intentionally donated the quilt that I had made for her, because, "It didn't match anything". That was $70 worth of fabric and 7 and a half weeks spent on that handiwork of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 128

You deserved it 976

By Salliemae - 11/08/2018 07:00 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend took my car on a 3-day vacation, stranding me in our extremely rural town. I have a box of ziti, a jar of expired pickles, no cable or Netflix, and no water since the well ran dry. Why am I here? "Someone needs to stay with the dog and feed the cows." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 957

You deserved it 397

Happy Pride everyone!

By yourclotheslookgay - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, my mum visited. Even though I live under my own roof now, I caught her continuing her old habit of throwing out any clothes she thinks make me look "gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 987

You deserved it 2 095

By overly nationalistic redneck - 19/10/2013 19:37 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 344

You deserved it 5 323

By DepressedCellist - 27/09/2018 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had band practice for our duo. I've been playing cello for almost a year and wanted to incorporate it. He picked it up for pretty much the first time and sounded surprisingly good. I was excited until I realized he sounded better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 553

You deserved it 535

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, on the bus, a man in his late 30s sat next to me. After a moment, he turned to me and said with a wink, "You must be ovulating, I can smell your vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 232

You deserved it 367

By Liah12 - 05/03/2016 13:52 - United States - Holt

Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 004

You deserved it 1 526

Who's there?

By messy jessy - 07/09/2020 11:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on FaceTime with my sister. She remarked that my living room was a mess, and that she didn’t know how I kept a man with a place like that. I retorted, “He’s not with me for how well I can clean, when I can polish his knob like a marble floor!” I had no idea my dad was off camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 1 756

Are you sure?

By yourekillingme - 19/02/2016 04:12 - United States - Mission

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 131

You deserved it 1 499

Catchphrase hell

By Anonymous - 06/09/2013 22:56 - United States

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it was. He just paused, turned to look me in the eye, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 987

You deserved it 20 524

By Labro9 - 07/01/2016 08:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, I hate my distant visiting family so much that after work I take a detour and sit in my car on an adjacent street, contemplating reasons not to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 242

You deserved it 1 690

Labro9 tells us more.

Labro9 9

Friday 8 January 2016 4:57

Geez I didn't expect that to get up. Cheers for the comments! Just a summary for those playing at home: - Family belong to my husband - Husband has spontaneously developed an inability to say "No" to these people - It's like living with a bunch of escaped institutionalized clowns - They depart in 108 hours - I have reason to question my life choices

By sister of an angry nerd - 23/12/2015 06:09

Today, I went to see Star Wars with my brother. The entire time he talked about how scientifically inaccurate and improbable the entire movie was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 407

You deserved it 3 182

420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!

By nurse4life - 18/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Moultrie

Today, a patient at the hospital where I work asked me if he and his son could light up a joint. He was on oxygen, and serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 874

You deserved it 504

By Samantha35 - 28/01/2019 20:00

Today, I was substitute teaching a high school English class. A student discreetly told me that my zipper was open. I tried to zip it up, but the zipper got caught on my underwear. When I bent down to pick up my pen, my pants split. Before I turned around, I heard the sound of phones taking pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 18/02/2019 18:00

Today, I found myself crying my eyes out over my two favourite fictional characters' deaths. It happened over 6 years ago and has affected me more than real peoples' deaths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 995

By Macysdayparade8 - 09/12/2015 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss of six months asked me what country I'm from. I'm white and from the southern United States. I'm so quiet, he didn't think I spoke English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 514

You deserved it 3 458

Macysdayparade8 tells us more.

Macysdayparade8 8

Wednesday 9 December 2015 23:23

Op here. I was just trying to say that there are no obvious signs that I'm not from Georgia/from another country, where most people speak English.

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was on FaceTime with my sister. She remarked that my living room was a mess, and that she didn’t know how I kept a man with a place like that. I retorted, “He’s not with me for how well I can clean, when I can polish his knob like a marble floor!” I had no idea my dad was off camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 1 756

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 543

You deserved it 2 911

Today, while I was brushing my teeth, my 5 year old-son walked into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That's Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I've been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 303

You deserved it 8 597

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 927

You deserved it 33 951

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 485

You deserved it 3 332

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 017

You deserved it 4 081