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By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 361

You deserved it 843

By Schizomaniac - 25/08/2015 17:33 - United States

Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 454

You deserved it 1 773

Schizomaniac tells us more.

Schizomaniac 24

Wednesday 26 August 2015 5:04

Thankfully he's only a PE teacher. Not to discredit PE teachers, but at least he is not in a position to actually provide information to students. This guy is an absolute nutjob. These are real claims he has argued in the past: -evolution is a lie (no surprise) -dogs are more intelligent than chimpanzees -our most sophisticated equipment can't see outside our galaxy (lol) -humans are the only animals that rely on fruits and vegetables for food And many, many others. He's the type of person to argue with a chef because he read a cookbook. It's sad.

Meth: Not Even Once

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 03:45 - Singapore

Today, I had to sit beside this crazy man on the bus. After trying to ignore his ranting about being the Messiah, he suddenly stood up and cursed me as Satan, loudly screaming that he won't be tempted by my devilish ways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 562

You deserved it 272

By melon squash - 11/09/2016 10:15 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 585

You deserved it 1 332

By AlexB - 19/08/2016 07:01 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, in an effort to try and get fit, I was doing yoga on my carpet when my foot slipped. It went under my radiator, which peeled the skin off my heel like peeling a potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 407

You deserved it 1 461

By Flutie - 27/10/2017 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 413

You deserved it 780

By Misskittygal14 - 16/11/2017 15:00

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 569

You deserved it 1 175

By KitchenFlooder - 01/02/2018 01:30

Today, I flooded my entire kitchen. The water was cut off at night and I left the faucet open without realizing. When the sound woke me up at 5am, the water reached my ankles. I frantically tried to sweep it out before my mother woke up at 6am. I didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 550

You deserved it 1 869

By Stunned - 04/02/2013 09:15 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 062

You deserved it 3 709

Confusing love triangle

By Perry85 - 04/01/2020 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I said the wrong name in bed. On top of that, it was the name of her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. Who he cheated on my girlfriend with while they were together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 3 652

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 548

By BG1059 - 05/06/2016 02:19 - United States - Irving

Today, my best friend since first grade, who I've been in love with for years and finally hooked up with last week, asked me for advice. He wanted to know if he should start a long distance relationship with a girl he hooked up with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 422

You deserved it 2 102

By ijustwannaplaymymusic - 27/05/2016 04:40 - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 173

You deserved it 1 613

By Bugga2018 - 22/05/2016 23:52 - United States - Freeport

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 422

You deserved it 920

Snek

By Kiki - 12/07/2018 12:30 - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that my roommate of 4 years is sleeping with my ex of 7 years. Yesterday, she showed up to court as a witness for him and lied on the stand to try to get the protection order dropped. She's on the lease, so I have to live with this snake for 2 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 429

You deserved it 314

Tonight, on Weird Parents…

By Anonymous - 10/08/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying, "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 881

You deserved it 7 348

By oopsydaddy - 14/08/2018 06:00

Today, my dad asked my help with a computer problem. Whenever he logged on Facebook, every single advertisement appeared to be hardcore porn. I had to awkwardly explain that these ads are based on his browsing habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 797

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 04/02/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 027

You deserved it 7 447

By OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 809

You deserved it 888

By sadmoscatogal - 27/10/2018 19:01

Today, the car I've been saving up for three years, which I bought three weeks ago, was hit by my neighbor who was texting. While it was parked. In my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 503

You deserved it 200

Sophey Rae tells us more.

Sophey Rae 5

Tuesday 23 October 2018 3:02

OP here - i have insurance, but we went through his since he took 100% fault

By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 22:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 094

You deserved it 5 023

I'm in hell

By GiveMeCake - 02/12/2018 22:00

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 951

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 26/01/2017 10:04 - United States - Newtown

Today, my crush fell asleep on me on the bus. This would have been fantastic if I didn't immediately have an erection in her ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 154

You deserved it 1 381

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 637

You deserved it 2 710

By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 09:06 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 971

You deserved it 3 738

Unnerved

By Greenskies - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France - Corneilla-del-vercol

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much, and it freaks him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 004

You deserved it 2 014

He deserved it. Snapping ain't cool unless you're a turtle.

By accidentalsmartass - 06/03/2017 22:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 343

You deserved it 733

By nonymous human subject - 14/11/2015 20:02 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 573

You deserved it 7 885

By 4lphab3t4 - 13/11/2015 01:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 780

You deserved it 1 969

I can't stand leg puns! tells us more.

I can't stand leg puns! 22

Saturday 14 November 2015 16:45

Op here. Well folks, after an interesting chat with a Doc, turns out I don't have TMJ or EDS. I just eat way to much ******* chewing gum, and, after so much, my jaw was slightly moved out of place. So when I yawned, it fell out of place completely, thus the dislocation. FML again, I guess

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 12:18

Today, I woke up at 7, got to college by 7:40 to receive an email that my 8:00 a.m. class got cancelled. I stayed there until 12:00 p.m. for my second class, to then find out that the cancelled class was the one at 12:00, not 8:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 792

You deserved it 5 894