The Top

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By vanessa_d15 - 10/11/2009 09:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 520

You deserved it 23 730

By LissaMccracken - 19/07/2014 01:04 - United States - Bentonville

Today, I was using a public restroom. After about a minute of me being in there, a little girl came in and started pounding on the door, screaming that she had to go. My pregnancy hormones are so bad that I almost burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 432

You deserved it 17 407

LissaMccracken tells us more.

LissaMccracken 23

Saturday 19 July 2014 19:53

Wow! I must really deserve this! Haha well to clear this up, this restroom was one that had more than one stall. There were plenty of other toilets, she was just upset that the one she wanted was taken. But thanks to all the people saying really nice things!!! It means a lot!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of class for having a coughing fit. Yesterday, I was kicked out of class for sleeping, a side effect of my cough suppressant. Three absents from this class and I automatically fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 156

You deserved it 3 830

Pensu tells us more.

Pensu 12

Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:02

No, I wasn't forcing the cough; I've got bronchitis, I just get coughing fits that last for a while and can't control them.

By Dobby123 - 08/11/2009 20:44 - Mexico

Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 803

You deserved it 5 459

Dobby123 tells us more.

Dobby123 0

Monday 9 November 2009 2:51

For those who don't get it, beside my desk is a table a little bit lower than the desk. When my elbow hit that, it stopped, but my head kept on going and technically my face hit my fist, although my fist also hit my face. Sorry couldn't put that in the story, we can only write 300 characters, so yeah. I still have no idea how I could've hit my face so hard I got a mark :(

By Anonymous - 16/05/2013 04:39 - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 602

You deserved it 4 066

By notyouagain - 03/10/2010 07:40 - Australia

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 604

You deserved it 4 950

By Airhead - 06/11/2009 19:48 - Canada

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I did a really good job playing someone who was really airheaded in my school's play. I wasn't trying to act like an airhead, the director told me that I got cast for the part because the character I was playing was "just like me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 911

You deserved it 6 682

By Anonymous - 08/07/2019 18:01 - United States

Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 434

By those_allergies - 12/05/2013 05:20 - United States - Bend

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 336

You deserved it 4 330

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I totalled my car. I flipped it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process. I was in extreme pain and unable to move. It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. The song repeating on my iPod was, "Don't Worry, be Happy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 152

You deserved it 5 613

By HBCruiser - 14/07/2019 02:30

Today, I’m sitting in my living room, smelling onions frying. My house is all closed up. I’m not cooking anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 176

Is this a job interview?

By devdevdev - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 900

You deserved it 12 353

By MySummerinEurope - 25/05/2012 22:59 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 581

You deserved it 29 854

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 07:20 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 578

You deserved it 5 636

Get me out of here

By dang ol' anonymous, man - 01/05/2022 03:59

Today, I was stuck in a room for eight hours with several guys doing impressions of Boomhauer from King of the Hill. Talkin' 'bout that dang ol' FML. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 160

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent my fuckbuddy a sexy message about what I wanted to do in bed with him next time we meet. He responded with, "oki doki". FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 499

Gotcha

By Miriden - 19/07/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 543

You deserved it 7 509

By baldygirl - 02/11/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 024

You deserved it 3 533

By womanlover12345 - 18/07/2011 16:05 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 695

You deserved it 8 862

Believe in your dreams

By ZAS - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year-old boy asked me, "What do you do when you really want something?" I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 184

You deserved it 6 385

Bladder control

By Anonymous - 27/08/2023 14:00

Today, while driving my son and his friend home, I was so frantic to pee, I was bouncing up and down in my seat. I stopped and ran into a store but it was too late. There was a line and I made it 11 seconds. I was radiating heat from the humiliation of walking past dozens of people after peeing my pants. I even apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 165

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Username - 17/07/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, I had to endure a long story about how and why my brother shaves his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 779

You deserved it 4 867

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 01:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 094

You deserved it 2 038

Compromising situation

By anonymous - 16/07/2011 13:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 737

You deserved it 4 973

Average racist issues

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 12:00

Today, my dad claimed that while he's "definitely not a racist", most of his friends sort of are, so was there any chance at all I might dump my boyfriend, because me dating a black man reflects badly on him, and soon he might not be welcome at the pub anymore. I'm this close to cutting him from my life entirely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 232

Well planned out

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 06:01

Today, after 6 months abroad, I finally got home to the airport at 5 a.m. where my parents were supposed to be picking me up. I called my mother to let her know I'd landed. She picked up with a sleepy voice and asked, "Who is this?" I'm an only child and we live 2 hours away from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 164

By nick - 18/05/2012 07:22 - United States

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying, "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 098

You deserved it 2 623

By failure - 14/07/2011 16:24 - Russian Federation

Today, my neighbour's boiler broke and flooded his home. To solve the problem, the water company shut off the neighbourhood's water supply while they fixed his boiler. I am now unable to shower, and I smell like a zoo animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 550

You deserved it 4 167

Lost

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 14:22 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 676

You deserved it 39 429

By Drunk - 13/09/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 207

You deserved it 6 433

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The Top

Today, the family member who molested me for several years as a kid, works as a social worker in the same building where I’m treated for the unresolved trauma they caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 104

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from Splash Mountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 3 328

Today, at work I got a message from some dude trying to flirt with me. While I was cracking up and making fun of him with my friends, I get a message from him saying look directly behind you, and there he was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 638

You deserved it 36 884

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 099

You deserved it 5 550

Today, my 71-year-old grandmother survived cancer for the fourth time. I'm grateful, but at the same time I find myself feeling sad that she will soon be gone. She has COPD and constantly mentions that she is going to die soon. I wish I could build a time machine and go back to before she became terminally ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 113

Today, I noticed several grey streaks in my hair while putting it in its usual combover. I'm only 18 years-old, and my hair was once one of my greatest sources of pride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 253