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By Anonymous - 24/03/2014 20:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 579

You deserved it 8 983

Emergency!

By Rebecca - 28/05/2021 20:01

Today, looking out of my window, I spotted a fire raging in the building across from my apartment. Grabbing my phone, I dashed out to the balcony, only to slam into the screen door instead. After calling 911, I sprinted back out, only to clock the door a second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 411

Opposites attract

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 14:01

Today, and in the past few weeks, my new girlfriend revealed she doesn’t think COVID is real, the vaccine is a government tracking chip, thinks Scientology makes sense, global warming is a ruse, poor people are poor because they’re lazy… Oh and she always votes Conservative. Boy, can I pick em. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 607

Dirty mind

By how are we related?! - 14/08/2022 00:00

Today, I realized just how fragile and idiotic my brother is. At a family get together, I bought a giant box of popsicles for all the kids to enjoy. He refused to let his sons have one, because according to him, “it looks gay”. I swear my mother found him by the road or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 114

By art_major - 25/05/2011 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 889

You deserved it 7 634

By goatvideosarelame - 24/05/2011 07:31 - Singapore

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 448

You deserved it 3 488

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 894

You deserved it 8 370

By Lifes_overated - 23/09/2009 14:10 - Australia

Today, at a bus stop my friend told me that he loved me. I, reacting on impulse, told him how long I've wanted to hear him say that, and kissed him. Then I realised the look on his face. Turns out he'd said 'I need new shoes' not 'I love you.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 071

You deserved it 48 767

By Cheyenne - 11/07/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 330

You deserved it 3 710

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 10:00

Today, I told both my boyfriend and my son that they needed to start spending more time together. They both asked why and what they did that I feel the need to punish them. They’re so similar, even I forget they’re not father and son, and yet for some reason they hate each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 468

Pissed off

By lionhead14 - 20/05/2011 19:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 923

You deserved it 42 619

By SOMAgirl - 06/07/2010 09:16 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to put some streamers on my bike handles, even though I knew they would probably be stolen fairly quickly. I went into a restaurant to eat, and when I came out both my wheels were gone, but at least the streamers were still there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 272

You deserved it 9 104

Art is art

By ashamed father - 09/03/2014 22:32 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 939

You deserved it 8 664

By learntmylesson - 03/07/2010 04:15 - France

Today, I politely asked my friend if she would repay me the £20 she owes me. She shouted at me, called me an insensitive bitch, and refuses to pay me back as apparently she can't afford to. Her holiday to Italy next week begs to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 303

You deserved it 3 748

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 152

You deserved it 3 900

By deez_nutz - 10/03/2009 12:46 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 594

You deserved it 29 298

By SarahNB - 01/03/2014 21:09 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 073

You deserved it 16 621

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 055

You deserved it 4 142

By Alison - 10/03/2012 22:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've miserably failed a college exam. My friend had agreed to pass me answers if I needed them, since I've hardly studied this year. We were on the phone when she said, "Oh, those answers were bullshit. Serves you right, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 085

You deserved it 72 450

By justplainsad - 17/09/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I finally figured out that when a man says, "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means, "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 349

You deserved it 34 015

The Girl Can't Help It

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 22:00

Today, I got fired from my job for having a resting bitch face when I get frustrated or when I'm concentrating on my work. According to them, I have to work on my "anger issues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 229

Reached my limit

By stuckonrepeat - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 735

You deserved it 19 926

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 456

You deserved it 28 114

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I had to bury my horse again because coyotes keep digging it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 052

You deserved it 3 383

By Just_do_it_17 - 09/05/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 038

You deserved it 8 074

By thissucks - 14/09/2009 01:00 - United States

Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 504

You deserved it 67 998

Money money money!

By ofcourse - 13/09/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 941

You deserved it 2 635

By camp - 03/03/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 138

You deserved it 27 635

Not now, Dave

By shanti - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 511

You deserved it 4 856

Make yourself at home

By Anonymous - 14/02/2014 17:11 - United States - Middletown

Today, my live-in mother-in-law brazenly swiped most of the money from my wallet, then walked out of the room as if nothing had happened. The worst thing is that my wife believes anything she says, so I can't do a damn thing about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 654

You deserved it 4 584

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The Top

Today, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have no idea if when I feel an emotion if it's me or my disorder. I'm my brain's bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 187

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 197

You deserved it 31 517

Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 575

You deserved it 7 071

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer, I saw her battery was flat so I said, "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said, "Not yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 537

You deserved it 54 656

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 7 049

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 085

You deserved it 43 868