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By Anonymous - 05/04/2012 12:36 - Netherlands

Today, after having been told that I looked horrible for the last five months, I decided to give myself a make-over. As soon as the make-up artist was done, I told her I didn't like it, and that I still didn't like how I look. She simply replied: ''Well, I'm a make-up artist, not a magician!'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 010

You deserved it 27 861

Moment of truth

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it, a solo came on, and i turned to her and said, "This is the worst fucking solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 900

You deserved it 86 494

By voyagevoyage - 09/04/2014 22:38 - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 277

By hejdixjeln - 17/03/2013 10:25 - United States - Evanston

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 037

You deserved it 7 539

Nailed it

By watch_corn_dance - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 974

You deserved it 3 633

By forever single, I guess - 15/03/2013 22:43 - United States

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 775

You deserved it 3 439

Alexa, play "911 Is a Joke" by Public Enemy

By A.C.A.B. - 04/08/2022 22:00

Today, I'm right now comforting my 21-year-old brother, after we'd called the cops because a mugger stabbed one of my brother's friends while the three of us were on the street. Kudos to the police, who left us waiting in the line for more than 50 minutes, letting an innocent die, and allowing a scumbag to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 145

Get the message

By ryjacs - 03/06/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 845

You deserved it 2 862

Deep sleep

By Ataraxia - 01/10/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 026

You deserved it 34 121

My best friend

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss came back from a two week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone, but the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 630

You deserved it 5 264

By churchgoer - 20/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 684

You deserved it 9 584

Dodgy

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 22:01

Today, my boyfriend and I went to his best friend’s birthday party. He got her red roses, a necklace and $100 Victoria’s Secret Gift Card. This year he forgot my birthday, gave me a hug and told me to leave his apartment because he had homework to do. We’ve been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 250

Childfree confirmation ceremony

By Kathya Wilson - 01/08/2022 10:00

Today, I hung out with a friend who doesn’t have any kids. We went to the park, where my three year-old son decided to drop his drawers and shit next to a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 316

That's a thing

By Anon - 13/11/2023 00:02 - United States

Today, my friend thought it'd be a great idea to drag me a new fitness trend - goat yoga. Mid-session, the goat had a nibble on my hair, and I ended up having to do a downward dog while trying to dodge a very friendly but mischievous farm animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 361

By Anon - 30/03/2012 05:10 - New Zealand

Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 415

You deserved it 5 141

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 21:00 - United States

Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 929

You deserved it 14 933

By Brittany - 28/03/2012 02:38 - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 299

You deserved it 56 596

By ghostyyy - 24/07/2010 23:21 - France

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren't being handcuffed for burglary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 974

You deserved it 3 294

Ouch

By Roses are Red - 07/03/2013 06:07 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 563

You deserved it 13 357

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 188

You deserved it 4 270

By Amberizzle - 26/09/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 888

You deserved it 8 572

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 17:31 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at a family gathering, it emerged that my now ex-fiancé has been sleeping with his brother's girlfriend for some time now. A fight broke out, the police were called, and more than one of his relatives are blaming me for him cheating with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 630

You deserved it 3 610

By Cody - 19/07/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 810

You deserved it 8 055

By busted - 25/09/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 893

You deserved it 3 275

By rebel_rose - 25/09/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling like I was in the process of defacating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 514

You deserved it 32 229

rebel_rose tells us more.

rebel_rose 0

Friday 25 September 2009 16:13

My problem is I try to speak in Russian as I do in English, so some phrases that don't quite translate sound stupid anyways . . so here, I guess I just sounded twice as stupid . . .reason this is an FML is the Japanese guy I like is in this class, and they don't talk that way . . .he wouldn't have known what I said or my mistake, if the teacher hadn't gotten shocked and translated it into English AND Japanese FML lol

You ass!

By Jack - 02/08/2022 00:00

Today, I just spent the last 3 years working on a research project and published about it, read by a multitude co-authors and proofreaders. My mum just spotted it has the word "asses" in it, instead of "assess". FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 277

Squeamish

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 19:00

Spicy

Today, and ever since I gave birth, my husband hasn’t wanted to touch me because according to him, he "saw it all coming out down there, blood and mucus and stuff. They had to sew back together" and he can’t handle "putting his penis back in there." The birth was six months ago, I'm back to normal now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 100

The long goodbye

By yupimher - 12/10/2019 22:00

Today, I found out my job is trying to get me to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 163

By Noname - 13/03/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 602

You deserved it 68 728

And I oop

By easygoing765 - 06/06/2021 11:01

Today, I found out the girl I hit on at the store I work at is my second cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 251

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Today, I'm in the south of France and I was trying to impress a cute date at a coffee shop by ordering in what I thought was perfect French. He gave me a weird look, and the barista looked confused. Turns out, instead of ordering a "latte," I asked for "lait," which is just milk. I sat there awkwardly, sipping my cup of cold milk while he watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 531

Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 122

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 837

You deserved it 5 672

Today, I went on a blind date for coffee. He was smart, good looking, and friendly. While we were talking about our respective families it became abundantly clear that I have heard these stories before. I realized that 6 months earlier I had been dumped by his brother after sleeping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 982

You deserved it 34 351

Today, I got the biggest shock in my life, I'm a mistake, and the only reason why I wasn't put up for adoption is because of the tax refunds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 149

Today, I was driving home, it was 80 degrees out. Making a rare attempt to be eco-friendly, I turned off the A/C and lowered the windows. A bee then flew in through the window, hit my cheek, and stung me. That's what I get for attempting to be eco-friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 068

You deserved it 11 336