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By starrybrooke - 06/04/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 612

You deserved it 9 947

Scumbag

By old mom - 29/09/2023 06:00

Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 412

By no tea parties here, gran - 11/04/2013 17:16 - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 735

You deserved it 6 194

Gagging for it

By Anonymous - 26/06/2011 21:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 108

You deserved it 10 637

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 303

Wedge issues

By What the fuck - 03/10/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I learned that there are people who actually, unironically believe that Danny Masterson is innocent. Faith in humanity: Gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 263

By DJ - 07/04/2013 18:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 636

You deserved it 5 891

Red flag

By safety first - 08/10/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that having my own condoms is unattractive, emasculating, and a turn off. According to him it's the man’s responsibility to provide the protection, and the fact that I have my own means I must have been very promiscuous if I needed to have them on hand. I’m allergic to the pill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 184

By me - 04/04/2013 20:07 - United States - Parrish

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 467

You deserved it 6 713

By Anonymous - 24/08/2010 05:52 - United States

Today, I was working at my job as a cashier, checking out an elderly woman's groceries. She was very nice, and we chatted for a couple minutes. Once she had paid, she leaned close to me and said, very politely, "I'm so so sorry that I mistook you for a girl at first, young man." I AM a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 169

You deserved it 4 938

Easter surprise

By aprilfooled - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, for April Fools' day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 183

You deserved it 77 357

By Anonymous - 30/08/2019 12:00

Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 19/04/2012 14:14 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 463

You deserved it 24 881

Preemptive strike

By youngblood - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason was because he's moving away for college. That won't be for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 176

You deserved it 4 912

Time to move

By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 14:00

Today, I was trying to relax on the beach after a stressful day, just to overhear a bunch of kids near me start fighting over who pooped in the hole they'd dug in the sand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 100

By washed - 11/10/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 086

You deserved it 3 398

Three cheers for the boobies

By Laura - 28/04/2021 11:01

Today, I sent a reply-all email to my entire company that said "Go tit" instead of "Got it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 700

Boom, headshot!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 02:02

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 319

Leaving makes sense

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 21:30

Today, I finally left my bitch girlfriend with her son, who has difficulties and violence issues. Now everyone is telling me I should go back, because the kid needs a father, never mind that I’m depressed and in therapy for suicidal urges. Guess my mental health doesn’t matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 182

By keyless - 14/04/2012 15:20 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 448

You deserved it 2 195

Butter fingers

By two-hours-to-pick-up - 09/10/2009 09:46 - Australia

Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 122

You deserved it 10 833

By flufee2 - 23/04/2014 02:40 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 033

You deserved it 56 512

flufee2 tells us more.

flufee2 27

Friday 25 April 2014 2:21

The person i had ordering was a close friend of which i am very comfortable with. I guess you could say i got a little too comfortable! After we realized what I did, we just laughed and brushed it off. From now on i will make sure i wear gloves because I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone i don't know!

Grandma rocks!

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 21:38 - Slovenia - Domzale

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 508

You deserved it 5 219

Quality family time

By Kjer - 24/03/2013 00:38 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my family and I were visiting an aunt. While helping my aunt to set the table, my sister remarked that from behind I look exactly like her. I reflexively blurted out, "Well fuck you too." Very awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 179

You deserved it 41 752

By lovebigmacs - 06/10/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 151

You deserved it 42 000

Pirate Jim

By maryann - 09/05/2021 02:01

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 373

I thought I'd seen you somewhere before…

By Anonymous - 07/07/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, I learned that my boss is a pedophile. He knows that I know. This is because he saw me looking at him… on the sex offender registry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 168

Missed opportunity

By NOOOOOO - 21/04/2025 16:00 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and her best friend came home after a long night. They both hopped into the bed and were very insistent that I join them. I said I felt weird about it and slept on the couch. The next morning, my pissed off girlfriend said that they wanted a threesome but I killed the mood. Fuck, I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 780

Bad babysitter

By cantprovenothing - 18/04/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 631

You deserved it 48 866

By Anonymous - 22/03/2013 19:15 - Italy - Catanzaro

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 801

You deserved it 7 715

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The Top

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Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 173

You deserved it 9 451

Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 073

You deserved it 459

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 552

You deserved it 5 580

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 573

Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 327

You deserved it 37 633

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 866

You deserved it 5 755