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By auzziegirl1938 - 16/08/2014 23:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, my roommate decided to throw a huge party in the early hours of the morning. I have to start at my new job soon, a window just got smashed, and I'm tired as hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 469

You deserved it 4 104

auzziegirl1938 tells us more.

auzziegirl1938 22

Sunday 17 August 2014 16:29

OP here, got an email saying it's been published, so woooo, cheerin on that one haha. The story is that I moved in on campus recently, and my roommates aren't that bad but they're pretty out there. I was a little miffed, I had told them that I was starting a new job in the morning and that I was sick, they started partying just as went to bed and kept it up until about 3-4am, and I had to be up at 5. As for the window being smashed, someone decided it would be fun to push the heater through the window. Apparently it was cold outside. For the people saying things like "if you can't beat them join them" I don't think walking in after 0 hours sleep would confirm that job for me. As for the window puns..! Keep them coming, love it haha keeping me very amused! ???

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 869

You deserved it 2 438

By gamerlaura - 14/08/2016 03:33 - United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog

Today, I woke to the sound of my baby crying at 4 a.m. I also heard my partner snoring, knowing he was not beside me and the baby was not in her crib, I went into the nursery. There was my crying baby laying across my snoring partner's chest. Guess he fell asleep during feeding time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 471

You deserved it 1 836

gamerlaura tells us more.

gamerlaura 13

Sunday 14 August 2016 11:45

Actually the reason he was sleeping was he was drunk. Plus he offered to feed her when she first woke up as he was already up and told me to go back to sleep. So that's what I get when my boyfriend wants to take the first night feed he has ever done in the 17 weeks since she was born. FML

By retail hell - 12/07/2015 13:11 - United States - Waterbury

Today, a customer berated me and told me to stop whining because I have to work on the weekend. What did I do to deserve this? I said, "Hi, how are you doing today?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 492

You deserved it 1 927

By Anonymous - 31/03/2014 11:49 - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 077

You deserved it 3 702

By CinnamonBunny - 02/08/2016 13:27

Today, I found out that the woman who has been secretly sexting my husband for the last two months is my new co-worker. I have to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 029

You deserved it 979

CinnamonBunny tells us more.

CinnamonBunny 16

Sunday 28 August 2016 10:22

OP here. Just to clarify: - I found out about the texts a month or so ago when she sent one just as we were cuddling in bed. That was fun. - Husband had not responded to her texts the way she would like, but he hadn't exactly told her to **** off either. He just kept bleating on about how they were supposed to be friends. Ostensibly it's because they worked together (we all work for an IT company but they were in a different department) and he didn't want to cause trouble but I think it's more that he quite liked the attention. He is well and truly in the doghouse. - She is well aware of our marriage and had met me several times prior to sexting my husband.

Coincidence?

By lessimportantthanatable - 15/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Northfield

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 812

You deserved it 1 030

By kenzamee - 04/03/2014 14:39 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I left a message for a potential employer. It wasn't until after I'd hung up that I realized I'd given them their own phone number to call me back at. Not getting that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 609

You deserved it 9 713

kenzamee tells us more.

kenzamee 13

Thursday 6 March 2014 6:42

I called them back! It was just a funny and embarrassing mistake. Interview next week!

By TooNoisy4Me - 04/07/2016 09:46 - United States - Bellerose

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 759

You deserved it 1 155

By lanaoftherey - 02/06/2015 21:30 - United States

Today, I went to get my car washed at one of those places where you can watch through the glass. I watched in horror, face pressed against the glass, as my car went through with the window down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 076

You deserved it 15 999

By Originality18 - 24/02/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimer's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 465

You deserved it 7 887

By Chubsley - 21/02/2009 07:44 - United States

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 837

You deserved it 50 998

By Kevin - 12/04/2011 19:25

Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 504

You deserved it 11 344

By Kryometric - 29/03/2015 06:38 - United States - Coupeville

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 980

You deserved it 2 583

This ain't no place to be if you planned on bein' a star

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 104

You deserved it 37 104

By Hungry - 14/01/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 628

You deserved it 4 524

Wedding fatigue

By takeiteasy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5 a.m., and the party was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 803

You deserved it 34 975

Honesty

By smoothies14 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 942

You deserved it 2 508

By whattheshit - 26/11/2009 14:19 - United States

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 294

You deserved it 2 376

Don't blame me

By Face_loser - 24/11/2009 08:11 - United States

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend at her request, because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received four calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 474

You deserved it 5 259

By Anya - 17/12/2016 16:09 - Japan - Fukuoka

Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 713

You deserved it 1 836

By JamesK - 15/12/2016 23:23

Today, I went out with my kids to eat at a nice restaurant. While I was in the bathroom, my 7-year-old daughter ordered 15 plates of "pearls" on the menu. Those "pearls" turned out to be salmon caviar. Guess who got a 425$ bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 982

You deserved it 2 656

Hurting over here

By wo-ow - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 745

You deserved it 4 392

By kthx - 22/10/2009 12:26 - Canada

Today, it was my grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt came up to my skinny, tall and pretty cousin and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walked to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 3 518

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 13:32 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 777

You deserved it 1 413

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 16:24 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 856

You deserved it 3 291

Classy

By EK. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in the middle of dinner, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 456

You deserved it 8 034

Indecisive

By Wyomingwannbe - 30/04/2016 11:25 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our son's team. We're stuck on pulled pork or meatballs. I've told her I don't care. She's still indecisive. This has been going on for two days. We're now not talking, over meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 151

You deserved it 2 318

Wobbly

By CheddarJack89 - 01/12/2012 08:35 - United States - Manchester

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 877

You deserved it 2 496

By blarghhhh - 28/02/2016 14:58 - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 080

You deserved it 1 385

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The Top

Today, some woman, sick with god knows what, didn’t vomit into the bin next to my car, or even just onto the floor, she lurched over to my car and vomited through my open window onto my shirt and legs, and down into the footwell. I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 102

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 555

You deserved it 12 080

Today, I noticed my credit score increased by 30 points. Not understanding why, I checked credit karma and found out someone opened several credit cards in my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 90

Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 635

You deserved it 12 275

Today, my grandma told everyone I'm using steroids and amphetamines, all because she mistook my protein powder and vitamin pills for drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 939

You deserved it 1 037

Today, I was out for a walk with my family when we saw a sign that read "you are here." That's when my son asked, "how do they know where we are?" My son is 14 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 173

You deserved it 496