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Plenty of pep

By awks - 01/10/2012 12:50 - United States - Stuart

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 305

You deserved it 5 969

By Gassy and sassy - 07/12/2014 06:15 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 6 781

By HeSucks - 25/12/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a box of chocolates for Christmas. I thought it was sweet until I noticed the heart drawn on the back. It's the same box of chocolates I gave him for Christmas. Christmas last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 130

You deserved it 3 224

Infested

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned how my cat's flea medicine works. Instead of killing the fleas, it just makes the fleas move off of the animal. The good news is my cat no longer has fleas. The bad news is, the fleas moved into my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 662

You deserved it 4 580

You must conform

By lefthandspanker - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 350

You deserved it 1 717

By ssjfml - 11/08/2015 14:56 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Spicy

Today, while enjoying the nice weather in a park, I opened my eyes to the sight of some guy jacking off, half-hidden behind a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 319

You deserved it 2 006

By mymidlifecrisis - 08/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Valley Village

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 974

You deserved it 1 396

By Anonymous - 23/08/2010 23:28 - United States

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 253

You deserved it 3 136

These boots were made for walking

By Triple F - 07/03/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 197

You deserved it 40 345

Thanks, I hate it

By ZeldaovaPeach - 05/07/2016 12:44 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 252

You deserved it 1 208

Thanks, I hate it

By FFS - 28/05/2015 17:41 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 295

You deserved it 2 920

By Magnus_the_Red - 09/09/2009 04:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to "ruin my innocence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 641

You deserved it 3 991

Broke

By candidcripple - 30/12/2013 05:57 - United States

Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 647

You deserved it 4 508

By Apparentlycreepy - 03/03/2011 07:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected by two different guys. One was my ex-boyfriend who said he wanted to keep our friendship, and the other was a guy I went on a date with who faked a European accent the whole time during our date despite him being born and raised in Texas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 612

You deserved it 6 635

By kiddo - 28/01/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 130

You deserved it 2 133

By Completely Fed Up - 20/04/2016 18:55 - United States - Spokane

Today, after 2 weeks of hard work in the heat planting a garden, just as I thought the most stressful part was over, my wife's mother comes over and brings a huge dog. She then threw a tennis ball for the dog into my freshly seeded garden multiple times, completely destroying most of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 439

You deserved it 1 547

By Anonymous - 04/03/2015 05:12 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 018

You deserved it 11 269

HeEeEeeEeeEeeeelp

By stuckinalift - 18/02/2011 01:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I got stuck in a small elevator. It started to violently judder up and down after I pressed the 'Help' buzzer. The man on the intercom wouldn't stop laughing at how my voice was jumpy from the juddering movements before he called for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 036

You deserved it 2 921

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 03:59 - United States - Breaux Bridge

Today, I had my performance review at work. Under the "oral communication" category my boss wrote that I "act like an asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 465

You deserved it 6 030

By stuck - 07/11/2012 15:00 - United States - California

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 295

You deserved it 24 001

By fun in functioning, I suppose - 20/01/2015 19:54 - United States - Starkville

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 347

You deserved it 5 706

Old-timey expressions

By sexualpopcorn - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said, "See ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I was calling her ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 412

You deserved it 4 489

By Narehs - 13/01/2010 01:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 283

You deserved it 2 917

By ardea_alba - 01/01/2016 20:27 - Russian Federation - Yekaterinburg

Today, I was talking to myself in the bathroom to remind myself of what chores I need to do. My husband overheard me and is now convinced that I was on the phone with someone. No amount of proof, logic or reasoning can convince him that I'm not cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 891

You deserved it 2 299

ardea_alba tells us more.

ardea_alba 8

Sunday 3 January 2016 19:11

OP here: I'm a work-from-home mom and devoted wife :) We share bank accounts, mails, FB profiles (yes, we're one of those couples) and anything else you could think of...He knows how my phone works and what features it has better than myself, so to sum up - no, there is absolutely no reason he would think that except the fact that I am the first relationship he hasn't cheated in, so I guess it's true what they say - 'you assume for others what you're capable of yourself' :) cheers to all,

By Soap0015 - 16/08/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, I was at work as a lifeguard. The temperature was absolutely stifling, but I tried to tough it out. A couple of hours into my shift, I passed out, fell off my stand, and crashed into the water. Or so the medics tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 225

You deserved it 2 818

By Stuby14 - 23/11/2015 14:31 - United States - Brookings

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 323

You deserved it 5 796

By TheFatOne - 31/08/2014 19:27 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 933

You deserved it 5 568

Cute but clumsy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to be romantic and literally sweep me off my feet… directly into a door frame. Now my face is bruised, and the police officer at my school has asked me if I need to make a report about anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 967

You deserved it 2 520

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 10:57 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 226

You deserved it 2 328

By Miss_Whipped - 14/10/2016 06:04 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 237

You deserved it 1 218

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 468

You deserved it 49 823

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 176

You deserved it 3 625

Today, I threw away a bunch of candy wrappers from my pocket, I also managed to throw away $20. That was the only money I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 502

You deserved it 11 520

Nice.

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 97

Today, I have officially lost count of how many nights in a row I couldn’t fall asleep until the small hours, even though I go to bed early and get up early every single day. I’m the kind of person who needs at least nine hours of sleep to be anything other than useless and depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 164

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 150

You deserved it 42 193