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Im the OP!! Glad this got accepted but to clarify some things nothing is going on in his home. She is just being a drama queen because he lives in a middle class home and I live in the suburbs . She doesn't like being there because " the demon spawns" also known as her brother and sisters are there and she is the oldest. She also doesn't have her own room at his house like she does at mines.

Hitting it off

By hihipanda - 30/08/2009 12:58 - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 552

You deserved it 3 337

By Susan - 23/08/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back, then I hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 880

You deserved it 43 764

Life experiences

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that the only things I gained from my Masters programs are more debt and the knowledge that you can use a semicolon in a list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 214

You deserved it 5 602

By Anonymous - 04/02/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I sat across from a cute boy in my English class. I thought it was cute when he winked at me, so I laughed and winked back. I didn't understand why he shot me a dirty look, until I later found out he has eyelid spasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 956

You deserved it 6 823

By ChrisC - 10/07/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 447

You deserved it 62 257

By enjoy - 13/10/2008 08:30

Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 373

You deserved it 23 109

Fun fun fun

By BeautifulDisastre - 23/12/2009 10:24 - United States

Today, I drove the six hours to LA to attend my Uncle's birthday party. When I tried to get off at the exit, it took me two hours just to get onto the street where the club was. By the time I showed up, the party was already over, so I ended up going to a Denny's. I drove eight hours for a Denny's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 558

You deserved it 4 784

Partaaaaay!

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 138

You deserved it 47 017

By bees - 09/10/2014 06:51 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 082

You deserved it 2 714

By PrincessOhNo - 12/12/2016 06:10 - United States - Bronx

Today, I dyed my hair back to pastel pink, which it hasn't been in over a year. It goes well with my skin and I was super excited about it so I decided to Snapchat my friend about it. Her response? "You were thinner last time your hair looked like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 970

You deserved it 1 122

Pspspspspsps

By imalosertho - 11/06/2014 01:01 - Canada - Truro

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 023

You deserved it 19 465

By sendhelp - 03/08/2015 05:31 - United States - Provo

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 622

You deserved it 2 461

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 15:51 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 964

You deserved it 7 646

By NotInTheRightPlace - 17/03/2014 18:18 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 089

You deserved it 6 542

Bushy

By bluedevil26 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 133

You deserved it 12 776

By Aspireworks - 29/01/2013 22:46 - United States

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 307

You deserved it 2 795

By imcold - 30/12/2012 07:32 - United States

Today, a stranger was kind enough to plow my driveway during a blizzard. However, they were not kind enough to leave their number after plowing the front end of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 873

You deserved it 2 786

By bettysue - 06/02/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met at a speed dating event. He recommended the lamb shank, which I ordered without looking at the menu. When the waiter took my order, my date said, "wait, the lamb is $27, why don't you get the chicken". He then ordered the lamb for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 909

You deserved it 3 822

bettysue tells us more.

bettysue 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 21:44

The facts are this: 1) I was asked out on a date. 2) I don't care about money. 3) I let him pick the restaurant so that he could keep it in his price range. I even offered to do coffee instead of dinner so that it wasn't a waste of money if we didn't have any real connection anyway. 4) He had been to the restaurant before and ordered the lamb dish, so he knew how much money it was. 5) I ordered water to drink. 6) He didn't even let me look at the menu before he recommended I get the lamb dish, because if I had I would never have selected a meal that was that expensive. 7) He told me to change my order in front of the waiter, and then ordered the lamb for himself. Not wanting to be a total bitch, I didn't complain, but at that point I expected him to pay for dinner. if I couldn't order what I wanted, why the hell should I pay? To all of you losers out there who weren't brought up properly, this is not the way to go about taking a woman on a first date. If you can't understand that, then I feel sorry for you. The whole point of this site is to tell humorous stories about everyday, insignificant things that people can relate to because we've all been there. It was a bad first date, but I think its a funny story. Whatever.

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:55 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 822

You deserved it 3 609

Now you know

By FuckfaceSteve - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Chester-le-street

Today, the girl I like finally replied to a text I sent a week ago. Her reply was: "Don't ever text me again, fuckface." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 318

You deserved it 4 578

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 21:40 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 576

You deserved it 4 033

Graceful

By dancer4life - 09/01/2010 03:04 - United States

Today, in ballet class, I was really focusing and actually trying to work hard. I was really getting into the choreography. I was travelling big and leaping long. While going across the floor, again I travelled and leaped… right into the ballet bars and fell over, in front of 35 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 110

You deserved it 6 133

Silver linings

By HoobidibooFox - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Coseley

Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 865

You deserved it 6 550

By LittleGina - 07/01/2016 17:42 - United States - Asheboro

Today, I saw an elderly woman drop $20 while shopping. Trying to be a good samaritan, I picked it up and tried to hand it back to her. She accused me of stealing it and beat me with her purse. The manager had to fend her off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 092

You deserved it 1 565

LittleGina tells us more.

LittleGina 8

Friday 8 January 2016 4:39

OP Here: Hello, let me answer some questions I am seeing and straighten things up a bit. 1. I don't work here, I was a customer, therefore, it was not my manager, just the store's manager. 2. The elderly lady had not seen me walk up to her, I was unable to explain anything before I was being beaten with a purse and called a thief. So, I guess she saw me at the corner of her eye holding a $20 before any words came out of my mouth. I may just simply be giving her excuses, but I honestly think that's what happened. 3. The solution was that she was escorted out immediately, but she did get her $20 back. 4. Will she ever know the real story? I don't know, and frankly I don't care. 5. Don't worry, I still have good intentions, she didn't mess anything up!