The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Double shift

By mook05 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of six months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 826

You deserved it 3 259

By Anonymous - 07/04/2013 04:07 - United States - Carrollton

Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 260

You deserved it 3 290

By ow - 13/06/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 026

You deserved it 4 777

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 19:47 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 379

You deserved it 3 031

Smokey look

By Phabia - 21/04/2015 00:16 - United States - Newton

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 986

You deserved it 2 342

By FractalSanity - 01/02/2009 08:11 - Canada

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 640

You deserved it 11 491

Nice try, Mom

By Agirl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cerrito

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 584

You deserved it 2 914

By .... - 30/11/2014 04:29 - United States - Geneva

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 590

You deserved it 3 405

Stuck

By crap - 19/06/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 888

You deserved it 44 926

Lost in translation

By Demotivation - 02/07/2013 14:35 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate, along with the comment, "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I won't get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 463

You deserved it 3 087

By hipthrustdude - 18/05/2009 12:04 - Malaysia

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 427

You deserved it 54 475

Freud smiled

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 02:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 468

You deserved it 4 096

Seeing is believing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 10:46 - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 451

You deserved it 39 517

By Crappit - 06/10/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 497

You deserved it 3 385

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 079

You deserved it 3 122

By Peach - 02/03/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 711

You deserved it 2 173

By popcorn - 27/04/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 806

You deserved it 53 299

By zheiraT - 22/05/2015 19:44 - United States - South Portland

Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 4 975

By SFBEL - 21/05/2015 03:56 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, after being a resident DJ at a local club for over 4 years, I got fired. Not because I'm bad at what I do, but because my boss thinks I'm not 'having fun like the other DJs'. And by 'having fun' he means that I don't drink enough. I got fired for not being an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 712

You deserved it 2 148

By bubbles - 05/09/2009 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 704

You deserved it 41 113

By :/ - 05/04/2015 00:44 - United States - Groton

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 473

You deserved it 11 162

By fuck me - 28/11/2013 19:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 052

You deserved it 3 674

Breaking news

By ApparentlyEmo - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 439

You deserved it 2 172

By FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP - 01/11/2013 18:38 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 974

You deserved it 3 214

By Anonymous - 03/02/2015 19:03 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, somebody poured a cup of coffee down the back of my shirt. When I turned around, I saw a man who said, "You looked like my ex from behind!" and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 198

You deserved it 2 194

By Username - 27/01/2011 17:40 - Romania

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 136

You deserved it 5 712

By Sgt_Jackrum - 05/02/2016 10:27 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 362

You deserved it 2 411

Plans

By bitchface - 09/01/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I looked at my father's Facebook for the first time in a month to see a status saying, "Making wedding plans!" Really? When was he planning on telling his own daughter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 918

You deserved it 3 069

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, I think my friends were trying to tell me something with all my Christmas gifts being mostly perfume, deodorant, and soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 647

You deserved it 30 545

By Mellamononeyobiz - 13/01/2016 02:10 - United States - Hooper

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 174

You deserved it 1 638

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 410

You deserved it 1 626

Today, I went to an orchestra concert and everyone was sat really close together. I tried to avoid hitting people nearby, and tried to lean back to not hit anyone. My bow ended up hitting a cymbal from the percussion section and made quite a loud sound. It was during a really soft part of a song. Kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 126

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 191

You deserved it 4 409

Today, I went to the bathroom. I locked the stall door, but got walked in on anyway. This is the eighth time this has happened this week, and multiple people think I’m just too stupid to lock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 221

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 069

You deserved it 5 079

Today, my husband announced he bought a horse for our daughter. A freaking horse. Does he not realise how expensive it is to keep a horse? Stable fees alone are almost £700 monthly, then there’s vet bills, equipment, it’s endless. We are not wealthy, this will ruin us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 86