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By jack - 23/04/2012 02:43 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 015

You deserved it 2 314

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 18:14 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend, when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her, and still refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 184

You deserved it 4 982

By dirtbikeguy - 23/07/2015 13:05 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 213

You deserved it 1 988

By Anonymous - 24/03/2013 21:33 - United States - Lutz

Today, a few months after my co-worker had stopped wearing her engagement ring, I decided to put on the moves and start flirting with her. I soon found out that her fiancé had died, and that she's nowhere near over him, despite her brave face. I feel like a total asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 197

You deserved it 25 891

By guy - 15/03/2013 05:31 - Canada - Port Coquitlam

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 803

You deserved it 3 366

By Misterhippo - 02/09/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 107

You deserved it 3 089

By ShadowReaper101 - 29/12/2012 07:41 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I was walking in the park, when a kid ran up and hit me in the stomach. He said, "Don't get mad, get glad!" and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 123

You deserved it 3 973

ShadowReaper101 tells us more.

ShadowReaper101 14

Monday 31 December 2012 21:07

Hi, OP here. First, I can't just hit a kid, even if he punched me. And second, his Dad wasn't in sight. So I couldn't have really done anything.

By heightdifference - 28/11/2013 16:34 - United States - Memphis

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 066

You deserved it 5 937

The biggest lie

By dumb - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 964

You deserved it 4 695

By Jen - 11/02/2011 09:02

Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 917

You deserved it 6 357

By Maestro - 01/12/2008 06:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 570

You deserved it 4 054

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 205

You deserved it 4 390

By iluvcoconutrough - 02/07/2009 04:34 - New Zealand

Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 987

You deserved it 22 440

By Nicky_ham - 06/01/2016 04:56 - Canada - Regina

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 676

You deserved it 1 668

By anonymous - 19/07/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards driving. She was very supportive and even made me an appointment to see a psychologist. His office is two hours away. I have to drive to see my doctor about my fear of driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 704

You deserved it 3 446

Seasonal

By crazyautio - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at work, a lady with a mustache came in and told me she was lost. I was happy to help, but could not stop rubbing my nose due to allergies. As she left, she said, "I know I have a mustache you little ass" and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 238

You deserved it 3 052

By Anonymous - 29/08/2011 13:05 - United States

Today, while having a screaming argument with my son in our front yard, I suddenly realized we are "that white trash family" in the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 328

You deserved it 41 382

By sex deprived - 16/06/2013 05:10 - United States

Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 256

You deserved it 11 669

By Anonymous - 24/07/2014 21:23 - United States - Annandale

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 497

You deserved it 17 991

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:34 - United States - Bellaire

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 455

You deserved it 2 426

By stupidity - 25/05/2012 19:30 - Switzerland - Geneva

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 785

You deserved it 39 039

By princeronron - 08/09/2015 02:02 - Switzerland - Prilly

Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 117

By smokedetector - 01/11/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 540

You deserved it 25 796

smokedetector tells us more.

smokedetector 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 17:21

i got in a car accident the night before, which is why i was at home on halloween. i broke my wrist, my big toe, and my brand new 3gs iphone. then, i found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. im back in the hospital, suffering from severe back injuries and a broken heart but guess what?? all that wouldnt fit in my fml post, so i kept it as simple as i could.

By drama king? - 10/04/2013 22:17 - United States - Bolivar

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 610

You deserved it 6 011