The Top

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Oh, thanks…

By Whoops - 24/06/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 146

You deserved it 72 945

By DeadDude - 27/12/2010 11:29

Today, I took my kids to the doctor. In the waiting room, a six year old boy walked up to me, punched me in the crotch, and ran away with my glasses. When the kid's parents made him give me my glasses back, he spat on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 106

You deserved it 3 212

By fuckered519 - 06/12/2014 19:53 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 260

You deserved it 12 620

Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 304

You deserved it 9 824

By nolife - 30/08/2012 01:33 - United States - Richmond

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 214

You deserved it 30 086

****** around, found out

By jbthedude - 05/08/2011 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 973

You deserved it 4 589

By Porter_Robinson - 30/04/2013 08:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 448

You deserved it 9 212

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 12:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 941

You deserved it 12 711

By sucks4me - 18/06/2011 04:45 - United States

Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 303

You deserved it 16 152

By Anonyme - 24/04/2014 06:57 - France - Aix-en-provence

Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 73

By fviz - 07/02/2013 09:51 - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 199

You deserved it 2 807

By notakeeper - 03/01/2014 03:50 - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 117

You deserved it 4 666

By Amy - 10/01/2013 05:09 - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 032

You deserved it 6 001

By Anonymous - 08/03/2010 14:35 - United States

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 673

You deserved it 3 012

Confusing

By Anonymous - 06/11/2013 17:29 - United States - Davenport

Today, the guy I really like asked me if I'd like to go to a hockey game this weekend. I said I'd love to go, so he said, "Then you'd best get a ticket soon before they sell out." I still don't know if I have a date or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 968

You deserved it 4 473

Desperate Dan

By BKCK4187 - 20/12/2011 03:23 - United States

Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 209

You deserved it 6 915

By mmvv - 08/02/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 455

You deserved it 3 857

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 18:54 - United States

Today, I learned that when I got my driver's permit, I agreed to be the designated driver for my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 377

You deserved it 4 251

By stupid_airbag - 13/08/2012 08:06 - Australia

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 959

You deserved it 1 773

By anonymous - 27/11/2009 09:20 - United States

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 362

You deserved it 7 619

By qwerty - 05/05/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 218

You deserved it 9 142

This is fine

By Anonymous - 09/06/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 679

You deserved it 10 392

By Anonymous - 17/09/2010 11:36 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 3 521

Baby's got needs

By cheezeits - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 712

You deserved it 6 958

By veebenjoo - 28/06/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, I got asked out for the first time in my life. During a prank call. By a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 929

You deserved it 4 322

Badass grandma

By yelyah - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Tolono

Today, I flew to Florida with my grandma. She tried to go through airport security with a pocket knife in her backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 989

You deserved it 2 268

By Ahlph - 20/05/2011 04:43

Today, I made it my life goal to own a towel heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 123

You deserved it 28 184

By RedFace - 05/04/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 130

You deserved it 35 435

By brit - 11/02/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 850

You deserved it 5 633

Perfect day

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 21:03 - United States - Edison

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 480

You deserved it 3 543

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was being ghosted by the person I’d been talking to online for three months. I was heartbroken, but then I noticed a message notification pop up from him. Excited, I opened it up, only to see, "Sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 105

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 640

You deserved it 630

Today, after many years of denial and avoidance, I've come to accept the fact that I'm one of those people who are turned on by furry adult art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 1 024

Today, after 6 months of university, sex was finally had in my bed. Unfortunately, I had no part in it, though I was in the bed while it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 032

You deserved it 2 970

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 537

You deserved it 16 206

Today, my son has to go live with my brother, because he got his half-sister pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 322