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No refunds

By minaaaaajftw - 13/07/2012 20:13 - Norway - Jessheim

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 746

You deserved it 37 802

By KarolBee - 14/05/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 784

You deserved it 6 496

True faith

By csor027 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 005

You deserved it 4 732

Safety test

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 349

You deserved it 4 450

Creep in chief

By wow @ creepy fuckers - 17/11/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 194

You deserved it 6 160

By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 00:49 - United States - Adrian

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 283

You deserved it 5 360

Stiched up

By familyofpsychos - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 943

You deserved it 2 460

Mr Popular

By mcdman - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 488

You deserved it 6 000

By igiveup - 21/06/2012 18:19 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 822

You deserved it 11 598

Weird flex, but OK

By gotmon3y - 07/04/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 938

You deserved it 81 883

By horselover7766 - 25/04/2012 23:08 - United States - Sewell

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 503

You deserved it 2 709

By Adam - 24/05/2011 05:54

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 838

You deserved it 5 459

By eaa145 - 03/03/2009 21:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158 446

You deserved it 18 270

On the scene

By fire1 - 25/10/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 344

You deserved it 2 328

The disrespect!

By squeezable - 19/06/2009 17:48 - United States

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my love handles, and said, "Honk, honk!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 439

You deserved it 6 822

By KereKris - 14/01/2016 12:11 - Netherlands

Today, I almost died. My friends dragged me unconcious, hypothermic and half-drowned out of the sea. A helicopter took me to the hospital where they brought me back to life. My family's reaction? "You aren't dying so we don't have to come to the hospital." They wouldn't even bring me clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 261

You deserved it 1 846

KereKris tells us more.

KereKris 25

Friday 15 January 2016 0:09

OP here. I guess this needs a follow-up. I was in a sailing boat with some friends and although there were big waves, the wind wasn't too strong so we thought it would be safe sailing. We were wrong about that. An exceptionally big wave came up from behind. The boat started surfing uncontrollably down from it and eventually flipped. I was caught by a rope and dragged under water. Fortunately I had a safety knife strapped to my leg so I could cut myself free but it took some time and I lost consciousness before I could make it up. My friends dragged up on the upturned hull of our boat because they were unable to flip it back. The tide was rising so the current pushed us close to the shore. In the surf we were trown off again and because of the waves it was too dangerous to approach the boat again so my friends swam to the shore, dragging me behind them. I regained consciousness for a while but passed out again as soon as we made it to the beach. Hope this answers all your questions.

By 479firefighter - 10/12/2010 05:11

Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 908

You deserved it 41 998

479firefighter tells us more.

479firefighter 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 7:27

um I have a degree in firefighting I'm 26 and the tree was too big to start with and it was fake. plus we have a open fire place. so I put the tree in the best possible spot. my bad I put it out b4 it hurt any of the house.... no more tree tho

By birdmagnet - 25/04/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I spent 90 dollars and two and a half hours getting my hair done at a fancy salon. As I was unlocking my car, a bird pooped in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 193

You deserved it 12 633

Classy move

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house, just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 148

You deserved it 6 125

Jailbird

By XoxoChula - 22/03/2013 05:41 - United States

Today, my dad came out of jail. He showed me his tattoo of a Bible on his chest with all his 13 kids' names on it. I'm the only one whose name is spelled wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 043

You deserved it 3 089

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 02:15 - Australia - Picton

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 081

You deserved it 5 884

By ouchh - 11/09/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 959

You deserved it 7 335

That's what I call Heavy Metal

By Jordan - 30/04/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing air guitar and headbanging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 313

You deserved it 37 460

Thanks but no thanks

By Nicole - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So, it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 952

You deserved it 3 372

By Shelly P. - 29/01/2012 00:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 553

You deserved it 3 551

By gassy - 29/12/2012 09:32 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 518

You deserved it 4 641

Fear

By wimp - 15/08/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, while I was at the doctor's, they told me that my son and I needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldn't hurt and that shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me mine, I started crying. My four year-old son handles pain better than his 29 year-old mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 496

You deserved it 40 941

By Anonymous - 08/12/2013 16:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 752

You deserved it 4 126

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 809

You deserved it 5 880

By skidmark - 08/12/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 444

You deserved it 2 676

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 796

You deserved it 1 784

Today, my boyfriend and I were finishing in the bedroom; he pulled out and finished on my stomach. Then he figured that was the time to quote Shrek, saying, "Better out than in I always say." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 375

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a break-up letter, using Comic Sans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 630

You deserved it 4 525

Today, my 15 year-old sister asked which animal rice comes from. She believed every word when my mum told her it's harvested from tiny cows in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 597

You deserved it 2 803

Today, my depression has reached the point where I don't even have the energy to seriously pursue any hobbies. Any time I find the motivation to try something new, I immediately get discouraged at the slightest difficulties, and become even more depressed. I don't even know why I'm trying anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 134

Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 763

You deserved it 6 584