Spicy

Saucy

By donutsex - 05/08/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Spicy

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 273

You deserved it 9 079

Bad start

By Anonymous - 04/08/2014 23:04 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 286

You deserved it 9 193

By notthenaughtymaid - 04/08/2014 21:54 - United States - Cedar Bluff

Spicy

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 592

You deserved it 4 362

By Anonymous - 01/08/2014 18:27 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 169

You deserved it 4 909

By WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Spicy

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 764

You deserved it 5 887

Grammy award winner

By blow away - 28/07/2014 04:36 - United States - Middletown

Spicy

Today, my husband played a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 396

You deserved it 4 580

By why - 28/07/2014 01:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 760

You deserved it 5 535

By teegtwo - 22/07/2014 05:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 043

You deserved it 27 006

Nice try, Steve

By betrayed - 16/07/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 693

You deserved it 4 601

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Spicy

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 583

You deserved it 6 964

Just… why?

By Ob3nie - 14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a FaceTime. Busted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 672

You deserved it 54 206

By guriak - 14/07/2014 01:16 - United States - Jacksonville

Spicy

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 295

You deserved it 30 833

guriak tells us more.

guriak 10

Tuesday 15 July 2014 1:46

Okay so I don't know if I'm doing this follow up thing correctly but he ended up seeing the post on FML figured it was me lol it's all good (:

Absolute beginners

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 20:00 - Spain - Ripollet

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 959

You deserved it 5 975

Double standard

By NoSexForMe - 13/07/2014 07:46 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 857

You deserved it 8 667

Mah bawsac

By Anonymous - 12/07/2014 20:19 - United States - Indianapolis

Spicy

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 046

You deserved it 8 055

By weeping_angel_ - 12/07/2014 14:00 - United States - Cortland

Spicy

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 067

You deserved it 13 990

It's not what you think

By Anonymous - 12/07/2014 01:36 - United States - Coeur D Alene

Spicy

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 694

You deserved it 4 849

By HeartToFart - 08/07/2014 23:37 - United States - North Port

Spicy

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 794

You deserved it 6 733

By anona - 08/07/2014 16:29 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Spicy

Today, I complained to the train company online. I filled in information and added several photos as evidence. I only realised later that the photos I attached were nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 230

You deserved it 65 338

Great joke Dad, thanks

By Anonymous - 05/07/2014 17:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 928

You deserved it 7 921

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 199

You deserved it 11 473

By Tattery - 03/07/2014 23:55 - Australia - Adelaide

Spicy

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 907

You deserved it 16 131

Tattery tells us more.

Tattery 2

Saturday 5 July 2014 2:52

I am so chuffed something finally went through, haha. The funniest thing is I actually eventually did so it by hand, then about an hour later, got my vibrator and did it all over again. The other funniest thing is that other than my boyfriend, I can't share my achievement at getting something posted. I'm so pleased but it can't show anyone else, haha.

By boob sisters - 02/07/2014 17:01 - United States - Lilburn

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 824

You deserved it 29 385

By unwanted daughter - 02/07/2014 15:54 - Canada - Oliver

Spicy

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 238

You deserved it 5 863

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 23:14 - Australia - Chatswood

Spicy

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 285

You deserved it 17 578

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Spicy

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 055

You deserved it 9 165

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 28/06/2014 01:02 - United States - Imperial

Spicy

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 994

You deserved it 10 756

Dorito Man

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Spicy

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 992

You deserved it 7 692

WTF lady?

By headdesk - 25/06/2014 05:41 - United States - Kaneohe

Spicy

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 654

You deserved it 6 214

Guitar ****

By massachusettsan - 25/06/2014 00:07 - United States - Monomoy Island

Spicy

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 632

You deserved it 8 933

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 5 499

Today, while drinking and catching up with a ex that I still love, she invited a guy over, flirted with him right in front of me, then went home with him, When I messaged her to say I found it disrespectful as fuck, she replied with sorry, she didn’t mean to hurt me, and that she misses me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 384

Today, I watched with mild confusion as a piece of paper tucked underneath my windshield wiper flapped around on the highway. What could it be? Surely not a parking ticket. Powerless, I watched it fly away. It must have been the insurance information for the person who swiped the back of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 303

You deserved it 10 730

Today, I found out that the man I called grandpa for 40 years is really my dad. My drunk aunt spilled the beans. Her exact words were, "My dad is a better dad to you than he EVER was to me! You never wondered why he treated you better than his other grandchildren? You're his son!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 94

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 762

You deserved it 7 178

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 743

You deserved it 44 492