Spicy

By koanroak - 22/06/2015 03:08 - United States - Carrollton

Spicy

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

agreeclassic 29 760

vote type 1 2 376

By Anonymous - 21/06/2015 04:38 - United States - Harrison

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

agreeclassic 34 418

vote type 1 2 415

Snowball

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

agreeclassic 43 012

vote type 1 19 738

By Anonymous - 17/06/2015 14:12 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Spicy

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

agreeclassic 40 219

vote type 1 3 125

Hidden

By bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

agreeclassic 31 709

vote type 1 7 412

By poorlyparented - 16/06/2015 12:05 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

agreeclassic 32 241

vote type 1 5 740

By Anonymous - 13/06/2015 14:26 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

agreeclassic 45 710

vote type 1 5 617

By silverspud - 13/06/2015 01:22 - United States - Grand Junction

Spicy

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

agreeclassic 34 418

vote type 1 7 352

By Pattie - 12/06/2015 06:50 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I got a Brazilian wax in anticipation of becoming intimate for the first time this weekend with a man I have dated for a few weeks. I'm so sore it hurts just to walk. FML

agreeclassic 28 662

vote type 1 8 465

Stranger danger

By Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Spicy

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

agreeclassic 30 966

vote type 1 3 367

By lolatmylovelife - 11/06/2015 20:51 - United States - Del Valle

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

agreeclassic 40 181

vote type 1 3 176

By Hey_Buddy_ - 11/06/2015 03:38 - United States - Jensen Beach

Spicy

Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML

agreeclassic 35 012

vote type 1 6 736

Hey_Buddy_ app_comment_confession_title

Hey_Buddy_ 9

Thursday 18 June 2015 10:38

My bf isn't the most publicly affectionate guy (and I'm not the most publicly affectionate girl either, so it works out) so we saw each other with friends for a few hours before retreating back to spend time with just each other. I found this to be really funny, I just wanted to share it and didn't really have anyone to talk to about it and stuck it on here, never expecting it to be published. It's not like he hadn't said anything along those lines, just as far as saying "I missed you" my boobs and ****** got those first lol Nope, my boyfriend is wonderful and makes me laugh like crazy, and I'm even sitting in his apartment visiting him for a few days right now, laughing at all the comments on this post.

Congratu…

By Anonymous - 10/06/2015 16:13 - United States - Inez

Spicy

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

agreeclassic 40 998

vote type 1 8 744

By waiting till marriage, she said - 10/06/2015 15:28 - United States - Pasadena

Spicy

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

agreeclassic 36 214

vote type 1 2 527

Revenge is sweet

By Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

agreeclassic 31 741

vote type 1 2 843

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 23:13 - Ireland - Dublin

Spicy

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

agreeclassic 29 298

vote type 1 2 138

By Wrabel - 08/06/2015 16:00 - Germany - Mainz

Spicy

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

agreeclassic 32 468

vote type 1 9 958

Zinger

By LZapped - 08/06/2015 13:35 - United States - Mundelein

Spicy

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

agreeclassic 29 405

vote type 1 5 350

By Anonymous - 07/06/2015 07:54 - United States - Wheatland

Spicy

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

agreeclassic 34 777

vote type 1 4 421

By Anonymous - 07/06/2015 04:21 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

agreeclassic 31 314

vote type 1 3 415

By cockblockedbyFB - 06/06/2015 13:01 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

agreeclassic 32 919

vote type 1 3 125

Stop, please stop

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Spicy

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

agreeclassic 30 464

vote type 1 4 207

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 12:26 - United States - San Bruno

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

agreeclassic 34 568

vote type 1 4 453

Check this out

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 07:06 - United States - Corning

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

agreeclassic 36 422

vote type 1 4 387

By W T F - 03/06/2015 07:22 - United States - Jacksonville

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

agreeclassic 44 233

vote type 1 3 668

Quick as rainbows

By bonehead69 - 31/05/2015 07:06 - United States - Taylorville

Spicy

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

agreeclassic 34 711

vote type 1 5 414

By TooLoud - 31/05/2015 00:12 - United States - Moorpark

Spicy

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

agreeclassic 46 162

vote type 1 3 013

By Disappointed - 30/05/2015 20:05 - United States - Lexington

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

agreeclassic 32 635

vote type 1 4 513

By Anathema_360 - 30/05/2015 15:22 - Canada - Hamilton

Spicy

Today, it's been so long since I had sex that even in my sex dreams I'm watching porn alone. FML

agreeclassic 32 642

vote type 1 3 964

Anathema_360 app_comment_confession_title

Anathema_360 5

Sunday 31 May 2015 16:31

Allow me to clarify. I have a boyfriend, we've been together for 3 years, he's just doesn't want sex anymore

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

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Today, my boyfriend, a math teacher, wanted to recite multiplication timetables while making love in order to come less quickly. He could only recite up to the number 5. The timestables turned him on. FML

agreeclassic 1 293

vote type 1 178

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

agreeclassic 10 979

vote type 1 27 891

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

agreeclassic 32 173

vote type 1 7 721

Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML

agreeclassic 7 578

vote type 1 504

Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML

agreeclassic 981

vote type 1 293

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

agreeclassic 15 510

vote type 1 39 031