Spicy

By shameonme - 01/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Nampa

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 827

You deserved it 17 395

By sadfantasy - 31/03/2016 06:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 036

You deserved it 1 643

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 03:53 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I woke up to 15 texts from my mom, 6 missed calls, and with no bra or shirt on in a random guy's bed. Welcome to spring break, ladies and gentleman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 000

You deserved it 33 795

By Liz - 26/03/2016 19:26 - United States - Torrance

Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 365

You deserved it 3 632

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 17:13 - United States - Antioch

Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 262

You deserved it 2 344

By anonymous - 25/03/2016 22:19 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 824

You deserved it 3 224

By thegirlwiththedumbassbf - 23/03/2016 22:58 - United States - Camarillo

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 010

You deserved it 2 220

By JJ - 21/03/2016 19:06 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 479

You deserved it 9 529

Steamy

By Hotdamn - 21/03/2016 04:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and steamy in the shower, until I slipped and fell backwards into the shower curtain, which caused me to hit the back of my head on the toilet seat, and the bar of the shower curtain to land on my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 311

You deserved it 3 190

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 02:05 - United States

Today, I told my husband that when I get my birth control taken out later this year, I would like to take a break from it for a while. He just said, "Condoms are too expensive and I don't want to waste $2 every time we do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 075

You deserved it 2 648

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 07:29 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 906

You deserved it 1 890

By Anonymous - 18/03/2016 20:56 - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 085

You deserved it 4 018

By UnicornWaffles - 16/03/2016 17:23 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I had sex with a guy I really had a connection with. It went perfect until I complimented how his moans during sex turn me on a lot, and he responded with, "That's what my mom told me." I laughed so hard we couldn't go on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 045

You deserved it 3 282

UnicornWaffles tells us more.

UnicornWaffles 23

Friday 18 March 2016 2:13

Hey fellas, quick clarification. When he said what he said I just blurted out laughing, because to me it obviously was a joke. Further confirmation would have either ruin the joke or ruin sex with him forever. He may have very well been a mother-****** but I wouldn't need to know, as we're not dating each other. That being said, I'm positive it's humor, and any humor is a good laugh to me if you appreciate the other person's intension to make you happy. I did forbid him to say that again in bed though; it'll just be creepy a second time. Thanks for you comments :) we had a good laugh.

Enjoyed yourself I see

By Anonameow - 15/03/2016 18:42 - United States - Freeland

Today, after lots of overcast weather, we opened the blinds to the children's section in the library, to let in the beautiful sunshine. Fifteen preschoolers were greeted by the sight of a used condom plastered against the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 779

You deserved it 1 637

By again? - 15/03/2016 10:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 451

You deserved it 2 515

By Anon - 15/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Pasco

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 905

You deserved it 3 055

PUA

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 394

You deserved it 2 248

By cemakara3 - 12/03/2016 20:07 - Denmark - Vallensb?k

Today, I had sex for the first time. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me because I don't think she is pretty enough since I "wanted it to be over so fast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 244

You deserved it 3 077

cemakara3 tells us more.

cemakara3 11

Sunday 13 March 2016 20:05

Hey OP here. I showed my gf some of the comments on here and she is not mad anymore. Thanks!!

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 891

You deserved it 20 857

By awkwardmandy - 11/03/2016 18:28 - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 635

You deserved it 2 398

By BeccaRaye - 11/03/2016 18:19

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, only to witness a woman with her shirt pulled up giving herself a sink bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 370

You deserved it 1 531

BeccaRaye tells us more.

BeccaRaye 19

Saturday 12 March 2016 4:32

actually I do lol

By AwkCockBlock - 07/03/2016 00:17 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, after 6 months of university, sex was finally had in my bed. Unfortunately, I had no part in it, though I was in the bed while it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 032

You deserved it 2 970

AwkCockBlock tells us more.

AwkCockBlock 6

Monday 7 March 2016 19:04

OP talkin here bb's. Short version of story: Super early in the morning, after a night of partying, I offered a couple people the option to crash at my place (as they lived a ways away, it was pouring rain, no transportation etc.) YES they knew I was in the bed, thought they were being sneaky. I was awoken from bed movement. To people saying I should have said / done something..I did..hence the username.

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 05:57 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 118

You deserved it 1 797

By sericane - 04/03/2016 20:03 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I delivered a pizza to a former coworker. He answered the door with his pants below his ass and his junk hanging out of his boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 596

You deserved it 1 642

sericane tells us more.

sericane 20

Saturday 5 March 2016 4:34

I must say, these comments had me laughing my ass off. To elaborate a bit, he had no idea it was me coming. He didn't even acknowledge or notice it at all. I'm fairly certain he was stoned out of his mind, because he barely said 2 words to me. When we worked together, there was always something off about him. He got fired for always calling off due to supposedly being homeless. Well, the house I delivered to was hella nice. So, idk. Lol. Either way, I tried to avert my eyes and just finish the transaction and gtfo of there. When I got back to work, the rest of my coworkers had a big laugh when I told em what happened. Lol. Definitely something I did not need to see. Lmao

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 791

You deserved it 2 333