Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML
Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML
Today, after a silly argument, I decided to walk up on my boyfriend naked, but instead of a cute reaction video, I got a video of him yelling at me to grow up, get my ass dressed, and to stop trying to manipulate him while he’s angry at me. The argument was over the Lego we’re building together. FML
Today, my bank refused to replace the debit card that I lost because, to prove I was the owner, I had to tell them about my last purchase and I couldn't remember it. I showed them my ID, and that could have worked, had they not misspelt my name on the account. FML
Today, I'm over a 1000 miles away from my wife, and she's so upset and angry with me that she doesn't want me to touch her anymore. FML
Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML
Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML
So did you help him?
And people wonder why they get kidnapped. "You need a hand?" "No, I want the whole arm, Martinez get the Machete!"