When you're too cute to look angry By Lewis - 31/01/2019 19:00 RESPECT MY AUTHORITHAY!!! I agree, your life sucks 1 194 You deserved it 792 Share Tweet Share
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML I agree, your life sucks 11 993 You deserved it 46 144
Today, I caught my fiance lying about being at work. Furious, I started breaking his things, demanding to know what skank he'd been sneaking around with. He gave me a stack of receipts, saying he'd been Christmas shopping. He's not cheating, just getting me everything I wanted. God, I'm a psycho. FML I agree, your life sucks 85 You deserved it 1 607
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML I agree, your life sucks 48 334 You deserved it 7 509
Today, I'm a car salesman. I got told to cold call a list of previous customers, but I recognised the names as I phoned them all last week; I told the manager this. He slammed his fist on my desk and told me to stop lying and do as I was told. I got told to "fuck off" 27 times. FML I agree, your life sucks 18 672 You deserved it 1 375
Today, I walked at my graduation ceremony, proudly wearing my valedictorian cords. It turns out that, after some confusion on behalf of the student services office, I was neither valedictorian nor salutatorian (by 0.2 points). I'm dating the actual valedictorian. FML I agree, your life sucks 4 386 You deserved it 484
Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML I agree, your life sucks 25 743 You deserved it 2 268
AAAAAAAAHHHHH ✊ *cling*
What did that bell do to you? 😊