Today, I woke up smelling like puke and hung over in a cheap... - FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2018 16:50

Today, I woke up smelling like puke and hung over in a cheap motel. I get up to go to the loo, when I suddenly feel something moist between my toes. I look down, and see my foot sitting on 2 long turds. I screamed, and suddenly a drunken man's voice said from under the sheets, 'those are yours.' FML

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vote type 1 77

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JasonThorn 20

Monday 5 February 2018 21:28

Sobriety can be a wonderful thing.

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JasonThorn 20

Monday 5 February 2018 21:28

Sobriety can be a wonderful thing.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML

agreeclassic 5 296

vote type 1 347

Today, I was trying to put some new curtains up. I couldn't make sense of the instructions, so I decided to wing it. I spent a frustrating half hour fighting with it, and just seconds after I succeeded, the curtain rod gave way and slammed straight onto my head. FML

agreeclassic 14 962

vote type 1 18 513

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

agreeclassic 69 179

vote type 1 10 112

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

agreeclassic 30 162

vote type 1 2 998

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

agreeclassic 42 189

vote type 1 3 493

Today, it's day three of my dad not shutting up and still complaining about the Super Bowl commercials being "too woke". FML

agreeclassic 786

vote type 1 235