Animals Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

Anonymous - 20/04/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 29/01/2011 08:09 - France

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

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Smells better when turned on

p0isonOreo68 - 24/09/2020 20:02

Today, my cat peed on my stove. There’s multiple clean litter-boxes that he could have used instead. FML

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MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

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No smoke, no fire

justme - - France

Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

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AussieG75 - 07/05/2013 14:18 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

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Anonymous - 02/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Spearfish

Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML

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Jack W. - 09/12/2015 19:26 - United States

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

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thebravelittletoaster - 20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

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Rescue cat

crazycatlady - 04/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML

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'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down…

Anonymous - 14/06/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, I tripped on my coffee table and fell face first into my cat's litter box. To make it even worse, my cat was in there doing his business and, pun not intended, I scared the shit out of him. He ran away terrified, then I tripped over HIM while I was going to take a shower. Today is not my day. FML

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mikejunior88 4

Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

did you discover this before or after you made your toast?

theunwiseone 4

Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:19

scrape out the shit and use it as Nutella on your toast. tasty solution ;)

GavinRoskamp 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:05

Sounds like something I'd do :D

desilovesandy 0

Monday 25 April 2011 7:37

o.O i hope someone turns the toaster on when you do . It'd alsoo be better if you got your ass burned -.-" smh

Mesocoollike 8

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:05

Toasted shit

chlorinegreen 27

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:06

how does that even happen?

blackicysheep 8

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:06

Hahahahahahahaha your cat hates you :P

goodfella925 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:08

he was toasting that shit for youXD

AllThatHit 7

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:10

wow I'm sorry buts that's just really funny when you think about it

katybeanny 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:11

how...

ovechkinisbeast 9

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:11

best fml ever.

yepadoodles 3

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:17

Wait, how? I don't even?!

6969awesome 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:18

now turn the toster on and have a feast

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I realized I can never live with my fiancée. A childhood of systematic teasing, abuse, and humiliation has made me terrified to use a bathroom around a guy if there's the slightest chance I can be heard, seen, or even have anyone know what I'm up to. Therapy has yet to fix anything. FML

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Today, I spent a full two minutes doing nothing but sniffing my computer. Don't worry, it was in the living room and my roommate definitely saw me. FML

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Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

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Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

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Today, I took my boys over to their grandmother’s house. We had a nice supper together. We all talked, played board games, and watched TV. After a while, I couldn’t find my 13 year-old son. He was in his 67 year-old grandmother’s master bathroom, jerking off with her dirty granny panties. FML

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Today, I had a very long wait at the doctor's. The three plastic plants in the waiting area have 163 leaves each, the patient information poster on the wall has 127 words, the longest word has 19 letters. FML

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