Today, I realized that the only things I want for my birthday... - FML

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By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 01:02

Today, I realized that the only things I want for my birthday are a desk chair and textbooks for the next school year. I'm thirteen, and am starting to understand why I have no friends. FML

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Chiaroscuro 21

Friday 20 January 2017 23:10

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable while u study and do well at school OP :) As for the friends, you will make friends over time. For me, I made only 2 lasting friendships from school. The rest I made through my job or through mutual friends as I got older.

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Chiaroscuro 21

Friday 20 January 2017 23:10

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable while u study and do well at school OP :) As for the friends, you will make friends over time. For me, I made only 2 lasting friendships from school. The rest I made through my job or through mutual friends as I got older.

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Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

agreeclassic 23 024

vote type 1 3 079

Today, my neighbour reported me for touching his wife’s vagina while she was asleep. She wasn’t asleep, she'd passed out giving birth and I had to help get the baby out because the ambulance was late, and her husband was busy vomiting from how slimy and smelly it was. FML

agreeclassic 825

vote type 1 109

Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML

agreeclassic 10 291

vote type 1 35 215

Today, I was walking hand in hand with my partner when we met a friend of mine and his two kids. We talked a bit, and his son kept staring at us. The boy then asked me: “Is he your dad?” No, my partner is simply 19 years older than me. And my Oedipus complex is fine, thanks. FML

agreeclassic 8 874

vote type 1 2 144

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

agreeclassic 18 324

vote type 1 35 738

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

agreeclassic 48 543

vote type 1 3 078