Today, I had my first ever one night stand. I haven't been intimate...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Sarah Lyn Guillen - 17/10/2018 07:08

Today, I had my first ever one night stand. I haven't been intimate with anyone in over four years. When we finally did it, he lasted about a minute. I didn't even orgasm, and it hurt. Worst lay I ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 10

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 33

Friday 19 October 2018 19:26

Well, Sarah Lyn Guillen, be prepared for an influx of potential suitors via Facebook. Then you can have as many bad lays as you like.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 33

Friday 19 October 2018 19:26

Well, Sarah Lyn Guillen, be prepared for an influx of potential suitors via Facebook. Then you can have as many bad lays as you like.

Keywords

Love Awkward Students Relatable Work Racism Health Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Animals Cats Boredom Management Parenting Kids Sexism Parents Miscellaneous Weird Job interview Facebook Jealousy

The Top

Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 59

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 456

You deserved it 2 906

The Top

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 259

You deserved it 491

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 319

You deserved it 35 297

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 237

You deserved it 3 073

Today, I learned that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend for 2 months. This is the same person who, 2 months ago, wanted to break our friendship off because he thought we "got too close" and felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend by spending too much time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 066

You deserved it 248

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 216

You deserved it 16 091

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 653

You deserved it 4 793