Health: Today, I got out of bed early in the morning to use the bathroom....

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By goddessofbooty - 14/06/2016 16:38 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I got out of bed early in the morning to use the bathroom. I didn't turn the light on, and I accidentally mistook my makeup removing wipes for baby wipes. It burns. FML

agreeclassic 246

vote type 1 36

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C8H18 33

Wednesday 15 June 2016 19:23

Time to make the switch to TP.

Zannanana 18

Thursday 16 June 2016 15:16

If there's anything in your make up remover that stings, they're not good for your face

Comments

C8H18 33

Wednesday 15 June 2016 19:23

Time to make the switch to TP.

Zannanana 18

Thursday 16 June 2016 15:16

If there's anything in your make up remover that stings, they're not good for your face

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Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

agreeclassic 4 755

vote type 1 200

Today, I attended my wife's cousins wedding. While trying to help struggling teens with fireworks, I got shot in the eye by a commercial-grade firework. I spent the rest of the night in the ER, then headed to see the eye doctor. I have about 75% of loss of vision. Hopefully it's not permanent. FML

agreeclassic 925

vote type 1 266

Today, I told my long-distance friend about the flooding in Florida due to the Supermoon. He's a Flat Earther and despite proof, denies the coincidence because he believes the moon and gravity aren't what we're taught. FML

agreeclassic 10 603

vote type 1 1 311

Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year-olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and led the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty, and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML

agreeclassic 54 275

vote type 1 4 701

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

agreeclassic 47 353

vote type 1 3 304

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

agreeclassic 62 013

vote type 1 4 200