Intimacy: Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting...

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 023

You deserved it 45 667

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Otherguy - 18/11/2008 07:36 - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 9 419

Forget me not

By ohgodwhyfml - 28/11/2015 14:32 - United States - Danbury

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 158

You deserved it 3 243

By Sal - 09/02/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 831

You deserved it 5 300

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 126

You deserved it 34 814

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 459

You deserved it 42 600

To do what?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 02:00 - Australia - Shailer Park

Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 208

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637 254

You deserved it 799 720

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 1 936

By mrdave - 04/07/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 906

You deserved it 46 492

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 321

You deserved it 12 404

Squygm 7

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:06

Well, it's not good for the quality of the condom to keep them in your wallet anyway.

lissa_jade 22

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:11

"don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die." looks like drunk you was remembering coach carr's sex ed lesson. he was just looking out for you!

Comments

CanadianCutie22 16

Wednesday 3 April 2013 0:33

don't have any more ? poor soul

j_cat187 19

Wednesday 3 April 2013 1:37

"Don't worry, I found a Snickers wrapper." King size!

FukeT_ 10

Wednesday 3 April 2013 2:39

Pull out and shoot your load on her belly

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Wednesday 3 April 2013 4:52

YDI for bringing a girl home from a bar and not being prepared. You don't even know what happened to the one condom you had in your wallet (which is a very bad place to keep them, FYI)? Just...wow. I hope she left your drunken, irresponsible ass and didn't give you anything. Although, considering she's also meeting people in bars to sleep with, you both deserve it.

cdkitty94 6

Wednesday 3 April 2013 7:21

I mean, if a girl is really expecting to get laid after coming home from a bar with a man shouldn't she keep condoms too JUST IN CASE? I know friends that do!