Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of...

By "jonnybones223" - 08/03/2019 04:00

Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of his little boy. I assumed he meant me, since I landed an apprenticeship in the same union he's worked in for 25 years. Turns out he was speaking about his cat, who left a dead squirrel next to my bed. I stepped on the damn thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 210

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Same thing different taste

By ghoul - 08/03/2011 11:32

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 4 225

It's alive!

By notmyrealname123 - 25/08/2014 00:08 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 725

You deserved it 6 422

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 03:52 - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 936

You deserved it 2 915

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 00:05 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 205

You deserved it 3 810

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 07:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 257

You deserved it 2 742

By CatLady - 24/08/2009 13:38 - Canada

Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 539

You deserved it 4 152

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 388

You deserved it 8 852

Panic in the sheets

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 03:30

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 557

You deserved it 244

DIY nightmare

By Anonymous - 20/04/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad uttered the dreaded words, “Now don’t worry boy, I knows exactly what I is doing.” A few short minutes later he has a destroyed impact drill, my ladder is snapped, my kitchen window is broken, my wife is in hospital for stitches, and we can’t find the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 63

By Anonymous - 27/04/2012 15:22 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 307

You deserved it 2 576

Elizabeth Burley 22

Friday 8 March 2019 5:12

Cats bring dead things to humans as gifts and signs of love. Mine once brough me a dead mouse while I was still in bed and despite being scared shitless I had to praise him because he did a good thing. Maybe the cat was congratulating you on your apprenticeship? Whatever the reason, congrats OP!

RichardPencil 30

Friday 8 March 2019 5:45

Go out and get your dad a goddamned biscuit already!!!

Comments

Elizabeth Burley 22

Friday 8 March 2019 5:12

Sinshine 28

Friday 8 March 2019 6:06

You had to praise him? Hell no!

manb91uk 22

Friday 8 March 2019 10:15

Actually it's also because they think you're a crappy hunter, so they need to bring you hunts to keep you alive 😂

RichardPencil 30

Friday 8 March 2019 5:45

Go out and get your dad a goddamned biscuit already!!!

thisisbutaname 38

Friday 8 March 2019 9:09

M E T A E T A

Sinshine 28

Friday 8 March 2019 6:05

Did you at least get to keep the squirrel?

bloopaloop 27

Friday 8 March 2019 6:53

Union jobs aren't what they used to be

thisisbutaname 38

Friday 8 March 2019 9:10

Well, now you know OP. Leave a squirrel by his bed and get praised too

darkshadus 10

Friday 8 March 2019 11:45

Congradulations in getting in the apprenticeship (retired Union Apprenticed Journeyman Electrician)

Robert Harrison 3

Sunday 10 March 2019 3:12

Perhaps he would be more proud of you if you could use the shift key on your computer.

zuckerburg 21

Monday 11 March 2019 10:02

your computer can shift into different gears? does it go faster? TELL ME

zuckerburg 21

Monday 11 March 2019 10:04

You stepped in it. After your father woke you up, thinking he was talking to you, telling you how proud of you he was. Are you some kind of special kid? Is this apprenticeship as one of Santa's elves so you could work yourself up to being Santa one day? Because holy shit you need to be some kind of special retard if you step on the ******* thing after knowing about it