Intimacy: Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob.... - FML

By Sal - 03/03/2009 18:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

agreeclassic 71 065

vote type 1 31 144

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By ihateveganism - 22/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Barrington

Spicy

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

agreeclassic 41 339

vote type 1 10 026

By blondetergent - 20/06/2011 08:12 - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

agreeclassic 31 933

vote type 1 15 364

By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/02/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

agreeclassic 50 699

vote type 1 6 523

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

agreeclassic 41 573

vote type 1 14 776

By Dontworryaboutit - 28/12/2009 10:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

agreeclassic 11 469

vote type 1 38 988

Never gonna happen

By meat lover - 27/09/2022 15:30

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML

agreeclassic 1 451

vote type 1 218

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

agreeclassic 6 651

vote type 1 1 209

Double standard

By NoSexForMe - 13/07/2014 07:46 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

agreeclassic 67 853

vote type 1 8 666

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

agreeclassic 40 687

vote type 1 9 976

John Coltrane

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 04:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML

agreeclassic 75 142

vote type 1 22 222

Next

TOP COMMENTS

Tehalon 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:18

If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.

drybamboo 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:21

I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.

Comments

prod324 0

Tuesday 11 May 2010 5:57

damn!!! hahaha lmfao thts horrible

tenderness_fml 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 11:26

love this! fail!!

ksimmons1124 0

Tuesday 2 November 2010 6:50

I love how The Internet seems to think that a healthy sexual relationship and a loving, strong emotional relationship can't coincide. ******** can be a wonderful, intimate form of expressing your love for someone. That said, one of my friends makes this joke all the time. Soooo over it.

haggymypants 3

Monday 22 November 2010 16:55

YDI.

painoflove 0

Tuesday 11 January 2011 17:37

ahaha burnnn

xX_LilSammie_Xx 4

Tuesday 15 March 2011 18:43

"I'm a vegetarian" translates to "I'm a lesbian."

DANATTACK 0

Tuesday 12 April 2011 3:52

she doesnt like meat suasage

katesaba1022 0

Tuesday 12 April 2011 6:56

Lmao that sucks!!

jocelyn123 0

Monday 18 April 2011 0:46

lol I said that to my friend with benifits cause I'm a veg. 2 XD

Onlynamethatwasn 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 9:03

funny

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Today, my boyfriend decided to piss in the shower while I was standing next to him. I did not mind, until I realised the water flows away incredibly slowly. I had to stand in his piss while the shower filled itself with the sweet odor of fresh urine. FML

agreeclassic 26 586

vote type 1 6 424

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

agreeclassic 29 126

vote type 1 3 064

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML

agreeclassic 37 830

vote type 1 19 773

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

agreeclassic 28 502

vote type 1 3 825

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

agreeclassic 34 872

vote type 1 6 737

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

agreeclassic 797

vote type 1 2 094