Intimacy: Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my...

By Nicos - 25/12/2008 06:07 - France

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 953

You deserved it 6 269

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 14:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 653

You deserved it 8 430

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 066

You deserved it 7 760

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 438

You deserved it 6 838

Self-service

By Steve - 13/06/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 17 099

By Anonn - 23/02/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 140

You deserved it 23 472

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 379

You deserved it 4 983

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 942

You deserved it 14 580

Let's get it on

By Frank - 17/08/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 041

You deserved it 6 443

I'll take what I can get

By Queen LaQueefah - 13/09/2015 11:52 - United Kingdom - Chesterfield

Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 169

You deserved it 3 392

By Great. - 18/05/2012 15:05 - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 003

You deserved it 5 338

moxy_fml 0

Friday 6 February 2009 17:49

Bah, I wank all day long, my dick's practically hanging by a thread.

williamhungftw 0

Monday 23 February 2009 19:05

THATS AWESOMEE. she sounds pretty sweet. = ]

Comments

moxy_fml 0

Friday 6 February 2009 17:49

Bah, I wank all day long, my dick's practically hanging by a thread.

Hunthas 17

Wednesday 28 April 2010 4:48

how did you manage to agree with someone in the future?

cheeseonmyburrit 0

Saturday 7 August 2010 9:30

I know right? anyway you still do jack off don't you?

Cjw1220 0

Thursday 12 August 2010 10:40

I agree with #713

HahaHillarious1 0

Monday 16 May 2011 5:15

Im so smart I actually looked for a

crudeandrudeguy 29

Monday 21 September 2015 1:53

So?!?! Is she wrong? LMFAO

williamhungftw 0

Monday 23 February 2009 19:05

THATS AWESOMEE. she sounds pretty sweet. = ]

Lizo_fml 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 16:56

tooo funny!! sounds like a keeper

HyperFlirt 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 6:22

XD; LMAO! She's a keeper. Although, sorry she killed the romantic mood!

pinkfrenchrose 5

Saturday 14 March 2009 6:38

LOL

Root123 0

Monday 16 March 2009 4:53

She knows you so well.

ComputerAnalysis 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 15:26

That's just funny.

Etc80 0

Monday 6 April 2009 5:31

Take a joke. She sounds cool.

24788 6

Saturday 2 May 2009 7:11

lol, that's a good joke.

Roddsy 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 19:08

loll she sounds awesome =]

Keywords

Love Awkward Relatable Students Work Racism Cheating Health Relationship advice Pregnancy Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Revenge Food Cats Animals Boredom Management Sexism Kids Parenting Parents Miscellaneous Weird Job interview Jealousy Social Media

The Top

Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 118

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 752

You deserved it 10 102

The Top

Today, I told my long-distance friend about the flooding in Florida due to the Supermoon. He's a Flat Earther and despite proof, denies the coincidence because he believes the moon and gravity aren't what we're taught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 579

You deserved it 1 306

Today, at the gas station, a stranger screamed at me, pushed me, and slapped my bag of chips to the ground. After he stomped them, he explained why he did it. It was because I opened the bag upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 763

You deserved it 856

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 649

You deserved it 38 888

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 788

You deserved it 5 323

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 507

You deserved it 15 898

Today, I finally convinced my mother to allow me pursue my dream job after months of begging. I logged in to the college's website to register for the course and found that the final seat had been filled in today and I need to wait one more year for admission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 328

Same thing different taste

Self-service

Let's get it on

I'll take what I can get

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