Wanker and Intimacy: Play it cool

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 218

You deserved it 56 686

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 243

You deserved it 96 497

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 383

You deserved it 677

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 351

You deserved it 36 322

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 806

You deserved it 5 880

Redhanded

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 06:00 - Philippines - Roxas

Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 464

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 2 980

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 526

You deserved it 777

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 260

You deserved it 37 116

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 058

You deserved it 35 420

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 522

You deserved it 9 800

Wheredidgrungego 12

Thursday 8 March 2012 22:50

Oh I've seen this movie!! ....Pornhub right?

StormGirl142 24

Thursday 8 March 2012 22:52

I think you accidentally a few words.

Comments

keyana95 1

Thursday 8 March 2012 23:51

Next time your caught don't try to talk the awkwardness out of the situation just look 'em straight in the eye and finish like a beast.

gloopyone 4

Thursday 8 March 2012 23:53

29- That reminded me of the movie We Need to Talk about Kevin.

ImSoEffedUp 10

Thursday 8 March 2012 23:56

Wow.... U need to get a better time or place for that...

firefly319 7

Friday 9 March 2012 0:01

Granted your little brain was in control, but wtf... So very wrong.

mk55kelly 0

Friday 9 March 2012 0:05

It could have been worse. You could have said "Can you give me a hand"?

firefly319 7

Friday 9 March 2012 17:15

I'm pretty sure I just threw up a little reading this. >.

jdcg116 10

Friday 9 March 2012 0:07

Bloods thicker than water.

j_cat187 19

Friday 9 March 2012 0:20

...Cum is thicker than blood

geod69 8

Friday 9 March 2012 0:07

Aww you were thinking about your mommy

myFMLname 8

Friday 9 March 2012 0:09

red foreman voice: dumbass!

Rxoxdx 0

Friday 9 March 2012 0:10

incest in the west.

Calyx_fml 21

Friday 9 March 2012 0:12

Talk about a Freudian slip!

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I wanted to prove to my dad that I can drive, so that he'd let me use his car in future. Let's just say I helped him remove the fence that he was planning to repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 160

You deserved it 18 972

Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 663

You deserved it 935

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 886

You deserved it 16 954

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 326

You deserved it 602

Today, after waking up from a bad migraine which caused my teeth to clench, I found out that I broke a molar. A dentist told me it split down to the bone, so I need root canal and an extended crown. Then they told me the tooth below had also broke and has to be pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 86

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 850

You deserved it 83 250