Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML
Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML
Today, I carpooled with my co-worker whose girlfriend has left him. The radio was playing the song "Jar of Hearts." He then began to sing intensely, and broke down crying. FML
Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML
Today, I tried to discreetly fix a wedgie while walking into a crowded store. Right as I yanked my waistband, the automatic doors opened and revealed a full line of people staring directly at me mid-adjustment. FML
Today, I decided to give a break to my students halfway through my three hour lecture. The break became the end of the lecture, because nobody came back. FML
Today, thinking maybe she could spare 5 minutes of her time and requires no work at all, I asked my wife for a handjob. She said no and told me I can “do it yourself.” FML
At least she wasn't playing with herself under the cover of her sweater *waits for senior FML users to get the reference*
All she was trying to do was stay calm, traffic can be nerve racking! On the other hand, she probably should find another way to soothe herself.