Love Normal

Normal

Misunderstood - 08/02/2009 05:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I've liked at school for about two years, telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocked on the door and I panicked and said, "Hold on!" I shoved them under my pillow, then told him to come in. He said, "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

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Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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Cool off

chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

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Quick thinking

me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

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At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

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Home alone

Anonymous - 15/11/2021 17:00

Today, I was in the bathroom taking a massive dump, with the door closed, moaning and yelling to get it out, knowing I was home alone. When it was done, I walked out to see my mother on the couch, who said, "I know masturbation is normal, but please try to do it while we're not here." FML

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No feeling - Just conversation

Anonymous - 22/11/2019 18:00

Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML

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Didn't see you there

eatmyshipoopie - 18/12/2009 15:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

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Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

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Lock your doors

Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

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jkqd 1

Monday 9 February 2009 1:59

Apparently a lot of people can't imagine how embarrassed you might be as a child/teenager just realizing you're going to be starting a relationship with someone you've secretly been in love with. Even if you weren't super embarrassed, who would respond to a sudden knock at this moment of epiphany by saying, "Come on in, Dad, this girl who've I've been obsessing over for two years finally loves me back, here read all the notes she just gave me talking about it in intimate detail"? Please.

NorfolkDude 2

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:40

I'm confused... why would you hide them? Were the letters somehow sexual in nature? In anycase, it was your fault for hiding things that weren't supposed to be hidden in the first place.

Fall3nAngel 22

Saturday 4 December 2010 3:15

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! XD WIN!

Reinhard_Xenon 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 22:58

XD what a dad

MileyCyrusIsHot 5

Thursday 5 May 2011 5:51

it shouldn't be.

Dexasaurus 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 18:37

Wait, wait! Your dad actually KNOCKS?! God damn, you are lucky for that. On the other note; Your dad FTW.

JrRacer4007 0

Friday 12 August 2011 9:38

Hey, he'll knock from then on and why would you act like a note is pot or something? Lol

Chad_the_Brony 0

Thursday 10 November 2011 10:17

Why would you be ashamed of that? I'd keep reading it.

FranzFerdinand 18

Saturday 28 January 2012 18:48

There should be an option along with eff your life and you deserved it- your life is a sitcom. YLIAS, man. The laugh track would've been perfect after an incident like that.