Sex, Weird, Awkward and Intimacy: Milking it

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

agreeclassic 52 178

vote type 1 14 900

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By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

agreeclassic 58 185

vote type 1 20 932

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

agreeclassic 46 328

vote type 1 29 275

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

agreeclassic 50 326

vote type 1 7 902

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

agreeclassic 33 981

vote type 1 4 333

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

agreeclassic 15 732

vote type 1 27 278

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

agreeclassic 6 651

vote type 1 1 210

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

agreeclassic 55 194

vote type 1 11 473

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

agreeclassic 45 074

vote type 1 18 815

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

agreeclassic 12 137

vote type 1 23 563

By fineididntwantkidsanyway - 02/12/2012 23:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

agreeclassic 29 922

vote type 1 4 542

jleon 0

Friday 21 May 2010 18:51

hahahhhshahHahahahahaha

Alexitis1 3

Friday 21 May 2010 18:53

r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)

Comments

ILoveZombieBoys 13

Saturday 18 August 2012 10:59

LMFAO

avaloncode 8

Tuesday 27 November 2012 1:42

lmaooo!

deaddonkey 15

Monday 17 December 2012 11:33

Lol funny.

nikki_1717_ 8

Tuesday 16 April 2013 0:24

Hahahaha, im gonna start to do that !! xD

awsomegiz 8

Monday 29 July 2013 1:17

Why is that so bad?

aimeegoldberg 22

Sunday 4 August 2013 2:00

i havent laughed so hard in god knows how long. thank you for that

ffrostay 5

Thursday 29 August 2013 0:14

Wtf

lisaint_fml 23

Saturday 11 January 2014 19:22

lil

doglover100 28

Saturday 8 March 2014 0:36

That's funny.

qchris87 17

Tuesday 18 November 2014 3:52

Dude that's hot

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Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was looking after my 9 year-old nephew when I let him play some web games on my MacBook. A few hours later, I found out I'd underestimated his tech skills, as he'd changed all my contacts to "Mr. Spongebob Squarepants." Thanks to iCloud, all contacts on all my devices were changed. FML

agreeclassic 942

vote type 1 545

Today, I walked into pawn shop and found a nice laptop which I inspected after I thought I lost mine months ago. Turns out my ex pawned it after having it at her place all this time. FML

agreeclassic 13 337

vote type 1 1 251

Today, I got drunk enough to do cartwheels at a company party. In a dress. I work in HR, can’t land a cartwheel, or handle my alcohol. FML

agreeclassic 240

vote type 1 1 386

Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML

agreeclassic 11 214

vote type 1 1 012

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s parents, hoping that they would like me. They made subtle, mean comments during dinner and made me feel like total crap, all because my boyfriend left his ex-wife for me. They don’t get that we’re both good and compatible for each other, and that’s what matters. FML

agreeclassic 444

vote type 1 1 821

Today, I knocked on the door of the bathroom to make sure nobody was in there before I walked in. Then I remembered I live alone. FML

agreeclassic 34 084

vote type 1 15 581

Milking it

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