Awkward, Parents and Intimacy: Don't wanna know

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

agreeclassic 52 240

vote type 1 4 192

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Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

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By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

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By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

agreeclassic 85 226

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By linn - 27/09/2012 20:14 - United States

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

agreeclassic 42 159

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By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

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By tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

agreeclassic 33 171

vote type 1 3 343

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

agreeclassic 1 066

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By PPP - 28/04/2015 15:05 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

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The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 18:00

Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML

agreeclassic 1 110

vote type 1 328

Scarred for life

By Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

agreeclassic 48 197

vote type 1 5 870

TheFlyingMan 8

Wednesday 16 February 2011 12:09

I bet she's pretty good.

Asoka_fml_fml 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 12:45

you should've said "mom said your dicks small"

Comments

momo1972 3

Wednesday 16 February 2011 17:56

did you take notes?

dannoman 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 18:12

its mom not mum

cptmorgan15 2

Wednesday 16 February 2011 18:57

Mum is how English people spell it.

BethCarey 11

Wednesday 16 February 2011 19:43

Yes. Don't tell people from ENGLAND how to speak ENGLISH. We are the native speakers!

Ozmat 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 22:18

we say mum in Australia too :) but that's because we were settled by the English

justinfailz 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 9:29

settled in bed after having the talk..?

roydawgg 3

Wednesday 16 February 2011 18:28

your dad needs to stop having sexual relations with flowers

PurpleWaffles 2

Wednesday 16 February 2011 19:32

I would have been like, "Dad! Calm yourself!"

benji5399 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 5:47

dude, ur username is purplewaffles. change ur name and go to Canada

gmen25 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 19:48

at least you know they r still happy

CheetosLibrary 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 2:06

That's hot.

SneakherHead 5

Thursday 17 February 2011 6:50

No its not, but do you know what is hot?

IzzyStreetz 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 2:20

Ha!!! and I thought mine were awkward

balzackgoo 3

Thursday 17 February 2011 4:22

your mom IS good in bed.

khickenz 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 4:45

its ur fault cause ur british (because u say mum)

mariazzz 5

Thursday 17 February 2011 5:59

and you're an idiot!!

Zmeilerr 22

Thursday 17 February 2011 6:48

^And I agree! Why are we shouting?

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Top

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

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Today, my husband had his hands full with the shopping, so I was carrying the baby and the bag with our takeaway in it. I tripped down the steps and fell over. Did my husband ask if I or the baby were OK? Nope. But he did ask if I’d squashed his fish and chips. FML

agreeclassic 1 823

vote type 1 269

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

agreeclassic 49 338

vote type 1 3 190

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

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vote type 1 2 141