Nearly FML

Feeling old?

By Anonymous - 19/02/2017 18:30 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, someone asked me what a landline is. FML

agreeclassic 5 043

vote type 1 551

ASLGabby app_comment_confession_title

ASLGabby 9

Saturday 18 February 2017 23:45

OP here! I wasn't sure what category so I put kids. It was a senior in high school

By ohno - 19/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, my partner scolded my son and reminded him to, "use his big boy words" after he compared his finger painting to a nebula. I married a doofus. FML

agreeclassic 5 472

vote type 1 928

By Anonymous - 19/02/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I filled my car up at a gas station that I go to often. I went to pay inside, and when I went back to my car, a woman approached me and told me she'd backed into my car. The only thing she said in her defense was : "I never was good at backing up." FML

agreeclassic 5 981

vote type 1 387

By Exhausted - 18/02/2017 09:05 - United States - Sharon

Today my boyfriend came home late at night from a week-long business trip. I was so exhausted I could barely wake up to say hi. After two hours of him trying to wake me up, I finally did. He then immediately fell asleep. I can't fall back to seep. It's been hours. FML

agreeclassic 351

vote type 1 45

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 22:44 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my room mate just recently became single. in her sadness I convinced her to use the same dating app I use. within a couple hours she already has a second date. I've been using it for a month and yet to get a guy to talk to me. FML

agreeclassic 354

vote type 1 33

By sad person - 18/02/2017 00:28 - Canada - Barrie

Today, after years of being the best friend I could be, I stood up for myself when I felt bullied by my best friends boyfriend. My best friend freaked on me and said I never did anything for her. I literally did everything for her. I am pretty sure she thinks I'm a door mat. FML

agreeclassic 377

vote type 1 35

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 18:10 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got a call from a police officer informing me that my oldest son had shot my daughter with a pellet gun. accidentally but still. Took one stitch to close up the hole. thought for sure the Ministry would be coming. FML

agreeclassic 257

vote type 1 35

By sleepy - 17/02/2017 20:51 - United States - New York

Today, I am sleepy. Why? At 3am, my son woke me up screaming from a nightmare. When I went to comfort him, he just kept crying, "chicken drumsticks. chicken DRUMSTICKS!" Forget zombies, it's the chicken drumstick apocalypse. Duck! FML

agreeclassic 332

vote type 1 28

By baggy eyes - 17/02/2017 19:32 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I talked to my husband about his constant nightly snoring. I can't sleep. I brought up corrective measures we could try and he says Im tired of hearing you bitch about my snoring. Im tired of hearing him snore. I can hear him from our bedroom in the spare bedroom, where I am. Fml

agreeclassic 304

vote type 1 20

By Renee - 17/02/2017 20:04 - United States - Hoboken

Today, a client wrote a negative review about me online describing I gave off a "weird vibe" I am already socially awkward but this just adds to my anxiety reminding me why I'm socially awkward to begin with because I'm weird.

agreeclassic 286

vote type 1 31

By anonymous - 17/02/2017 17:13 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my wife was really tired but couldn't go to sleep. At 3AM she asked me to have sex with her to help her fall asleep. As soon as I made her cum our son woke up. Once he went fell asleep my wife came back to bed and fell asleep without giving me any attention. Cock-blocked by my kid. FML

agreeclassic 312

vote type 1 54

By NotTheManager - 17/02/2017 17:05 - United States - Raleigh

Today, at work a woman came up to me asking why she hadn't gotten a discount on an item she had bought the day before. I looked and told her the discount was listed at the bottom. Still confused she asked to see my manager. After being told the same thing she goes "Oh that's much clearer!" FML

agreeclassic 292

vote type 1 19

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 15:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up covered in ringworms, I am watching my friends dog while she is on vacation. Apparently the cream for her dog is for her existing ringworms. Thanks for the heads up. Only 3 more days.

agreeclassic 270

vote type 1 21

By Hannah - 17/02/2017 14:10 - United States - Paris

Today, I was about to get in the shower when I hear a knock at the door. I look out the window and it's a guy in a red shirt. I am butt naked. I didn't get dressed. I told him I was busy, about to get in the shower and he precedes to ask me, a naked woman, questions. FML.

agreeclassic 234

vote type 1 64

By joblessinus - 17/02/2017 11:34 - United States - Auburn

Today, I got fired from my job for being in an accident that I cant even remember happening, FML

agreeclassic 244

vote type 1 18

By fakk - 17/02/2017 12:22 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I got my first period in months. I can't stand, I want everything we don't have, and I work incredibly early. FML

agreeclassic 225

vote type 1 21

By heartbreak - 17/02/2017 13:28 - United States - North Myrtle Beach

Today, on valentine's day. my love. partner of 10+ years. mother to my two kids. left me because she now thinks she likes women more. fml.

agreeclassic 313

vote type 1 24

By sick as a dog - 17/02/2017 10:24 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up sick. So I call my boss and make a deal with him, if he can't cover my shift then I will come in. So far none of the on-call employees has called him back. So here I am sitting at the bus stop, in the rain, hacking up a lung, and off to work. FML

agreeclassic 263

vote type 1 33

By bleeding mascara - 17/02/2017 10:30 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after a 13 day school/work week, worrying about exams and group projects and scholarships and money in the bank and having everything in on time.. I clipped a curb and got a flat tire. FML

agreeclassic 222

vote type 1 30

By Varun - 18/02/2017 01:15 - Singapore - Singapore

Today... I went to a foreign country for the first time just to meet a very good friend of 3 years for the first time. We ended up having an argument. She hates me now and don't want to be even my friends even after I apologized so much. FML

agreeclassic 216

vote type 1 33

By Helping? - 17/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Albany

Today, after waiting 20 minutes in the math assistance center for help, the adviser abandoned me mid-question. Not because she was requested or had something important to do, but because she wanted to get another slice of cake and continue a conversation with her friend. FML

agreeclassic 6 148

vote type 1 452

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 11:58 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I suppose to get my apartment pre-inspected to move from a 3 to 4 bedroom. I have to be there for the lease signing. today a also found out that I have to pull a 24 hour shift.

agreeclassic 229

vote type 1 14

By Oops - 17/02/2017 11:42 - United States - Holt

Today, I got done with my stats quiz early and asked the substitute to go to the bathroom. When I got back she was like "wow you finished fast" and I proceeded to say "thanks imma guy." It was only after that I realized she was talking about my quiz...

agreeclassic 209

vote type 1 70

By anon - 17/02/2017 23:24 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer wanted me to serve him after we were already 15 minutes closed. After I explained this to him, he went on a tangent ranting and raving to me. He finally left and then I found out he complained to my boss and said I was laughing at him. FML.

agreeclassic 251

vote type 1 12

By Kids these days - 17/02/2017 08:50 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, a middle schooler walked in front of my SUV while I was driving. He waited until I got closer before walking. I had to quick stop because of this idiot. FML

agreeclassic 210

vote type 1 23

By Dueducs - 17/02/2017 06:46 - United States - Houston

Today, my lovely wife asked if I planned to shave any time soon. I said, "No. In fact, I'm going to get fat, really fat, so I can look like Steve Bannon." After googling an image of Bannon, she says to me , "You absolutely could." Meanest thing the woman has ever said to me. FML

agreeclassic 210

vote type 1 121

By Bill - 17/02/2017 06:14 - United States - Chicago

Today... took a laxative last night didn't think it worked woke up with just gas. However when I was at work just now figured I'd let one sneak out and it was just Niagara Falls. I left the house with white sox they are now brown. FML...

agreeclassic 223

vote type 1 78

By crazymom - 17/02/2017 04:54 - United States - Roscoe

Today, my 12 year old brother was calling my sister fat just to be an ass, so i asked him if i was fat he responded with "well your not fat because you eat to much, your fat because you had a baby" i've recently lost some weight and was starting to feel good again.

agreeclassic 201

vote type 1 33

By Ontofailexam - 17/02/2017 12:06 - Latvia

Today my english teacher tried to humiliate me. She failed. I tried to humiliate her. I nailed it. She called our school principal and complained about me. Now I can't take her classes anymore and i have exam in 2 weeks. FML

agreeclassic 241

vote type 1 87

By NoLife - 17/02/2017 01:37 - United States - Katy

Today, I had a dream about having sex with a guy I like. In the dream we were just about to do it, when he stopped because he was too nervous and I was nervous about getting an STD. I can't even have him in a dream. FML.

agreeclassic 220

vote type 1 20

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was hanging out with friends of the opposite sex, which is the norm for me as I don’t get along with most women. Every time I spoke, I got ignored or spoken over, and they kept asking me what was wrong. Ugh, men. FML

agreeclassic 411

vote type 1 1 249

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

agreeclassic 31 094

vote type 1 14 020

Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML

agreeclassic 570

vote type 1 136

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

agreeclassic 46 232

vote type 1 4 714

Today, my worst fears were realized as an insect pinged off the back of my mouth while I was singing along to the radio on my motorcycle. FML

agreeclassic 9 938

vote type 1 3 970

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

agreeclassic 33 229

vote type 1 2 621