Nearly FML

By LostinPlace - 08/05/2017 03:35 - Georgia

Today, I was diagnosed with clinical depression after breaking down in tears in front of my third grade for the third time in a month and having my boss demand that I go out and see a professional. FML

agreeclassic 130

vote type 1 29

By "Dreamer5393" - 08/05/2017 01:29

Today my mom, whom I'm very close with, forgot my birthday and instead had a rummage sale to sell most of my stuff. fml

agreeclassic 140

vote type 1 8

By mylifeisthedefinitionofdisasterous - 08/05/2017 01:15

Today, I caught my 9 year old brother trying to hump his own leg.FML

agreeclassic 118

vote type 1 16

By lonely - 07/05/2017 21:10

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mom is still more caring about me, than my actual mother. FML

agreeclassic 132

vote type 1 9

By Total embarrassment - 07/05/2017 20:39

Today I woke up to the smell of shit and puke. I then remembered that last night I was drinking wine with my boyfriends entire family. I then got too drunk went upstairs, some how shit myself on my boyfriends bedroom carpet. BF was too drunk, so his mom ended up cleaning my shit off the carpet. FML

agreeclassic 66

vote type 1 149

By iwannamovenow - 07/05/2017 16:09

Today, at 1:30am, my roommate's boyfriend rang at our door, as he has for the past six nights. She says she doesn't want to go downstairs to open the door for him and she can't buzz him in unless he rings the bell first. There goes my sleep. FML

agreeclassic 4 776

vote type 1 417

By tami - 07/05/2017 07:15

Today, I told my whole family for the first time that I'm bisexual. I have been for 5 years. My dad who is very homophobic and my mum and brother don't believe me and think I'm joking cause I've never been with a girl, FML.

agreeclassic 119

vote type 1 24

By Lithos27 - 07/05/2017 05:15

Today, after not having had a bowel movement in five days, I went to the doctor for some laxatives. Now I can't stop pooping...FML.

agreeclassic 114

vote type 1 33

By "girlsncomics" - 06/05/2017 20:44 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, after two weeks of living with a new roommate I found out she actually doesn't like my cooking because it's too flavorful and spicy for her. She has been throwing out my leftover meals. Our third roommate loves my cooking. FML

agreeclassic 119

vote type 1 12

By muddbunny - 06/05/2017 22:32 - United States - Oxford

Today, I ran into my ex boyfriend while I was with my current boyfriend at the mall. My current boyfriend was carrying my VS bag and my ex smirked and said what'd she get ya? FML

agreeclassic 105

vote type 1 21

By "Alexis Leann Winter" - 06/05/2017 17:44 - United States - Medford

Today, I noticed my 3 month old German shepherd pup chewing on something odd and white . Upon closer inspection, I realized it was my used bloody tampon that I had thrown away in the bathroom trash an hour ago. FML

agreeclassic 124

vote type 1 23

By "chrddajr" - 06/05/2017 20:48

Today, at work I go on break out to my car tp find it on cinder blocks. I go back in freaking out to find out the cooks thought it'd be funny to "hide" my tires. Who does this! And when did they get the time! FML

agreeclassic 109

vote type 1 13

By ImOnly140.. - 06/05/2017 19:30

Today, I nailed my solo at my school's choir concert. After the performance, a little boy went up to me and said "I thought fat girls only sing Opera!" His Father just laughed. FML

agreeclassic 129

vote type 1 13

By Meow - 06/05/2017 17:25

Today, I have been without a man so long that instead of fantasizing about wild liasons with a hot hunk I now daydream about snuggling and petting my cats while reading a good book. Even in my fantasies I seem doomed to inevitable cat-riddled spinsterhood. FML.

agreeclassic 108

vote type 1 13

By Mel - 06/05/2017 17:22

Today I have to put my one year old cat back up for adoption. He keeps peeing on my bed while I'm away and on me while I'm sleeping. I don't have a working dryer. I don't have any clean blankets left. FML

agreeclassic 80

vote type 1 36

By no more searching - 06/05/2017 02:54

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time. It wasn't my first time having sex, but it was the first time a condom got lost inside me. FML.

agreeclassic 282

vote type 1 22

MrCabbagewank app_comment_confession_title

MrCabbagewank 10

Saturday 6 May 2017 2:09

OP here- this FML happened a while ago, but I thought I'd give it time to spare the embarrassment of my boyfriend.

By sadface - 06/05/2017 01:42

Today, I met my cousin's fiancée's brother for the first time. He looks at me for a moment, and says, "looking at your face just makes me sad." FML

agreeclassic 94

vote type 1 4

By poor mummy - 04/05/2017 23:43

Today, I was changing my two year old son's nappy. He ran off butt naked and in the 3 seconds it took for me to follow him, he managed to curl out the world's biggest shit on my stairs. I spent the remainder of the day bleaching my carpet and wondering why I ever decided to procreate. FML

agreeclassic 111

vote type 1 27

By "insurgent" - 04/05/2017 21:41

Today, my septum piercing got infected. Today is also the day my new boss told me if I don't remove my septum by tomorrow, he'll fire me. It hurts to even touch my nose and there's no way I can get it out. FML

agreeclassic 84

vote type 1 80

By what have i done - 04/05/2017 17:04

Today, my ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend married each other, have dream careers and a great life. I dropped them five years ago because I felt they were holding me back. Today I have no friends, no relationship, and a shit job. Guess that backfired. FML

agreeclassic 57

vote type 1 181

By Anonymous - 04/05/2017 16:28

Today, I found out that one of my close friends is extremely racist towards Mexicans. I'm half Mexican, and none of my other friends have said anything. FML

agreeclassic 110

vote type 1 7

By Happy boy - 04/05/2017 16:11

Today, I, despite not having fallen sick for literally the entire year, managed to go down with a cold and a fever the exact day my year's final exams start. Timing couldn't have been any better. FML.

agreeclassic 104

vote type 1 4

By iknow - 04/05/2017 23:29 - Australia - Dunlop

Today I lost over an hour of my life trying to access my old Apple-id account despite their support assuring me that the emails I received were just phishing. Turns out someone had hacked my account, added someone else's credit card details and proceeded to spend about $200 on games. FML

agreeclassic 105

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 04/05/2017 06:58 - United States - Colorado Springs

today while at work I noticed that my cat peed on my shoes . I was very emberrased and hurried to clean them. thinking I was ok I returned to work. my supervisor approaches me only to tell me there have been complaints of my hygiene. I was forced to watch a one hour video on hygiene

agreeclassic 90

vote type 1 11

By Hovh - 04/05/2017 14:12

Today, I went to visit my new older boyfriend, a year after me and my ex broke up, turns out that my new boyfriend coaches my ex's football team, and I will now apparently be seeing them on a regular baisis. My ex was very shocked. FML

agreeclassic 93

vote type 1 14

By abouttothrowup - 04/05/2017 21:01 - Australia - Melbourne

Today I was thirsty so I went to the cupboard and found a bottle of apple juice. But not long after taking a huge mouthful did I realize that it was not apple juice. It was a bottle that my parents had recycled and used to store cooking oil for camping. They forgot to label it with OIL. FML

agreeclassic 92

vote type 1 32

By bucker - 04/05/2017 10:11

Today I received a text from my boyfriend that he was cheating on me. My natural reaction was to cut his balls off. But then he admitted he had been diagnosed with an HIV because he was having sex with his "best friend" (which is a guy) karma is a bitch FML

agreeclassic 92

vote type 1 12

By Sleepingaloneforever - 04/05/2017 02:28 - United States

Today, I learned that the rest of the world finds it completely appropriate to sleep in a bed with a friend or sibling. I am 30, and never knew this. FML

agreeclassic 73

vote type 1 14

By PSSword - 04/05/2017 06:53

Today I was sneaking some chocolate during my diet. Just a couple of pieces to suck on. It somehow broke my braces. FML.

agreeclassic 55

vote type 1 42

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Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

agreeclassic 65 664

vote type 1 5 059

Today, I was in a public restroom at a concert when I realized I was locked in. The door was jammed, and there was no way out. I knocked, I tried to force it, I even climbed through the air vent to escape, only to end up covered in dust and toilet paper. Meanwhile, people outside could hear me yelling “HELP!” for a solid 20 minutes. FML

agreeclassic 395

vote type 1 90

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

agreeclassic 34 417

vote type 1 7 352

Today, I went to a self-checkout kiosk and it asked if I wanted to tip. For what? Watching myself scan groceries? I still ended up tipping 10% because I panicked. FML

agreeclassic 111

vote type 1 447

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping on his back for a piggyback ride. He wasn’t expecting it. We both ended up on the floor, and I owe him a new pair of glasses. FML

agreeclassic 81

vote type 1 731

Today, I taught a high school class on public speaking. When I explained how important it was for a presentation to be polished and professional, one kid asked, "Is it professional for your skirt to be tucked into your underwear? I didn't know they made My Little Pony panties for adults." FML

agreeclassic 5 301

vote type 1 2 212