Weird

Nice dodge

By UTRejected - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 977

You deserved it 3 982

Overreaction much?

By Anonymous - 04/10/2014 15:17 - Denmark

Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 030

You deserved it 3 328

Self medicated

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 06:00

Today, my husband is a chef and now he has Covid, he's so desperate not to lose his senses of taste or smell that he’s started gargling vodka to kill the virus in his throat faster. He’s even started squirting it up his nose, then crying because of the pain. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 152

Backwards backwoods brainrot

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I’ve had to threaten my husband with divorce unless he drops this disgusting and archaic idea of forcing our daughters to do “virginity pledges.” He even wants to rent out a venue and have a “purity ball” to celebrate this nonsense with his caveman friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 162

Nothing better to do

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 166

You deserved it 40 337

Things that go WTF? in the night

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 10:01

Today, as I was sleeping, I found a snail in my bed, yet I was dreaming so I thought it was a dream, but it felt real. I jumped out of the bed and I couldn't believe it. I wonder how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 113

Snoopy

By Anonymous - 26/03/2013 00:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 626

You deserved it 7 324

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 21/12/2024 11:00 - United States - Port Ludlow

Today, my boyfriend of 10 years won’t marry me until all my debts are paid off, which will take me 10 to 12 years to do. To add insult to injury, he’s been using intimacy as part of a reward system for me, and no matter how hard I try to earn it and as much as I initiate like he wants, he keeps turning me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 490

Gaslighting

By Danilo - 03/06/2022 10:00

Today, my promotion at work was revoked and I was written up, all because some customer decided to write a negative review about me on Google. Apparently, I was “rude” to her and “rolled my eyes at her” and called her stupid. I never met this woman a day in my life, and they won’t believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 146

Why would you go and do a thing like that?

By anonymous - 25/05/2011 14:33 - Singapore

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 345

You deserved it 37 018

Skill issue

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 732

You deserved it 1 925

Who DOESN'T wear deodorant?

By mary - 31/10/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I was screamed at and called a "gross bitch" in front of my entire school for wearing deodorant when it’s less than 50 degrees outside. As if I could help the fact that I need deodorant year round… FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 103

My mum is weird

By Anonymous - 03/11/2023 16:00

Today, my mum came to visit me in the country where I'm studying. We went out, and when she saw a dude eating something she liked the look of, she made me run after him to ask where he bought it. The guy was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 124

Morbid curiosity

By justhangingaround - 02/09/2023 06:00

Today, I found out that I fell in love with a diagnosed sociopath, which I didn’t know until I broke up with them though. The worst part is now that I know, I want to go back because I’m fascinated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 834

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 11:00

Today, I found ladies knee-high socks that weren't mine. I don't even own a pair of knee-high socks. After bickering back and forth with my boyfriend, he said, "Actually now that you mention it, I thought they were yours and I put them there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 99

Desperate times call for desperate measures

By Anonymous - 05/05/2024 19:00

Today, I found out my parents only got pregnant with me because they were desperate for a bone marrow match for my brother, who ended up dying before I was born, and who I had no idea existed. What’s even more messed up is that they gave me his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 95

Badass fighting talk

By Welp - 19/04/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I was caught trying to use the employee bathroom at the back of the store when an employee asked if I worked there. I responded with, “Oh what? Are you a hall monitor? That’s what I thought!” but ended up bumping into a corner and my nose started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 681

Wingnut

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 06:00

Today, my son actually tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he was “an agent” and unless they let him go, his employers “from the government” would come looking for him and there would be “consequences”. The officers eventually got their breath back from laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 202

Great start

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 500

You deserved it 3 341

This is the future Big Tech wants

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 22:00

Today, I was playing a virtual reality game at a gaming convention. I got so into it that I didn't realize I was screaming and flailing around in. A crowd had gathered to watch my dumbass embarrass myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 735

Misplaced fury

By Anonymous - 27/10/2023 15:00

Today, I was visited by a high school friend who lives in another state. She was furious because I got married a few months ago, and she kinda had feelings for me. I had to ask her to leave. Here's the funny thing: she's been married for 4 years and they have a son, and she didn't even invite me to her wedding back then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 67

I had no idea!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out my ex had been writing about our relationship to Postsecret. Apparently, she'd been sorry and wanted me back if I still loved her. I have absolutely no idea what she's talking about. I left after 8 months of unreturned texts, calls, emails, and meet-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 98

Sounds like a cult

By Anonymous - 04/02/2025 08:00 - United States - Duncan

Today, I realized that my 14 year-old runs my home. She has her own room, while her 11 year-old sister and I (her mother) share a room. I literally have to get her permission to go anywhere as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 1 055

Crypto bro

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 05:00

Today, I told my son to get a job and start paying rent. Five minutes later he transferred me rent for the next 5 years. When I demanded to know where he got that kind of money, he showed me his bank statements. He’s made more money mining Bitcoin than I’ve made in 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 303

You deserved it 1 384

The Nerve!

By Mike - 17/09/2019 02:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 251

Roaming gangs

By 23yearoldtoddler - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 032

You deserved it 6 787

His place or your place?

By Anonymous - 10/11/2023 04:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend has covered his windows in heavy-duty garbage bags, all the while complaining that his apartment has no view. In our old place, which did have a view, he always kept the blinds closed and never opened the windows more than 2 centimeters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 126

I didn't ask for this

By SoWhat - 06/01/2024 00:00 - Switzerland

Today, an annoying ex-coworker I have ignored for 15 years sent me an e-mail to "inform me of her new address." The e-mail actually enclosed a video of her touring the new house and garden like a realtor. I skipped to the end where she humblebrags about how "grateful" she is "to be blessed with this property." FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 129

Polygraphs are BS

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I took a polygraph. The interviewer was mad at the way I was breathing and looking down once instead of straight ahead. The third test I started crying because he raised his voice, saying I was disrespecting his time. I was trying so hard but couldn't breathe with the equipment on, leaving my mind blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 148

Sick burn

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 21:07 - Belgium

Today, my mother used climate change as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 233

You deserved it 2 757

FML on Facebook

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#FAFO Sexism Kids Parents Disney Money Health Poopoo peepee Farts Gross Cheating Shopping Miscellaneous Weird Holidays Vacation Paranoia Love Awkward Moving home Sports Sex Intimacy Work Transportation Cars Annoying Garden Cooking Teachers

The Top

Today, after talking to the bank, I'd have to take a pay cut to qualify for a home loan. I'm still confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 146

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 507

You deserved it 6 157

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 065

You deserved it 3 017

Today, I ran into a guy that I had gone on a few dates with 3 months ago and slept with him a few times, but then never heard from him again. When he looked at me, I went over and gave him a hug and said "Hey, how are you, Chris?". He hugged me back and said "Hey there cutie, what's your name?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 983

You deserved it 18 053

Today, I spilled some milk on my laptop. I was pretty sure it would be fine as it was only a bit of milk. While cleaning the residue, I knocked a whole bucket of water into the insides of the laptop. RIP Macbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 269

You deserved it 34 917

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 491

You deserved it 3 777