Sex

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By anonymous - 06/09/2010 07:37 - United States

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I'd met on Facebook, we went back to his apartment. All was going good, until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 806

You deserved it 19 882

Classy

By bkay26 - 29/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 837

You deserved it 7 668

Tu as compris ?

By gleefan116 - 28/08/2010 00:18 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 629

You deserved it 9 071

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 975

You deserved it 5 024

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 865

You deserved it 4 342

It's a trap!

By Ahook1 - 23/08/2010 23:31 - Australia

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 415

You deserved it 54 354

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 06:32 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed "Oh my god!" for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a TV into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 503

You deserved it 13 746

MAKE IT STOOOOOP!

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 703

You deserved it 5 077

Creeped out

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 422

You deserved it 3 460

Nooooooo!

By ScarredEars - 12/08/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 433

You deserved it 3 806

Keeping it in the family

By Drew - 05/08/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair… with her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 720

You deserved it 4 355

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 732

You deserved it 27 278

Concentration face

By Nuttree - 01/08/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having sex. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 453

You deserved it 6 892

By Anonymous - 31/07/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I met a man at the bar, and he asked me to go home with him. The problem? He's 80. I'm 29. The bigger problem? I considered it. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 894

You deserved it 17 861

You tried

By dumped - 26/07/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 715

You deserved it 5 643

By Anonymous90 - 24/07/2010 23:59 - Canada

Today, I spent 100 dollars on lingerie. I put it on, walked out to the living room, and told my boyfriend to follow me into the bedroom. He said no, then pretended to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 964

You deserved it 6 485

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 22/07/2010 05:52 - United States

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked, "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 088

You deserved it 5 290

Crazy nights

By Ugh... - 20/07/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 602

You deserved it 10 092

Sex talk

By Bellagirl - 19/07/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 596

You deserved it 5 500

Oh, hello…

By Anonymous - 16/07/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of two years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 697

You deserved it 48 921

By knock_out - 16/07/2010 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my Mii knocked out her Mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one-player mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 956

You deserved it 4 903

Jump on me, I beg you

By RachelVanLannen9 - 12/07/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 255

You deserved it 10 728

Spoiled the mood

By DFR - 09/06/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 933

You deserved it 23 850

Check these out!

By elevenharries - 03/06/2010 08:54 - United Kingdom

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 112

You deserved it 42 390

Headshot!

By Amb - 01/06/2010 23:56 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 095

You deserved it 6 205

True Love Waits

By anonomus - 01/06/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 646

You deserved it 70 431

Betrayal!

By Anonymous - 23/05/2010 05:32 - Canada

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 030

You deserved it 10 531

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 178

You deserved it 14 900

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 467

You deserved it 6 714

Don't mind me

By evelynn - 20/05/2010 06:25 - France

Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 183

You deserved it 8 192

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I finally bought an above ground pool, as wifey has insisted on one for a loooong time. It didn't cost too much, but wifey is all sulky cause it appears that a 1.8 x 3.8 x 0.9 meter pool is TOO BIG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 166

Today, my brother refused to bring his kids to a small family get together for my daughter’s birthday, due to his fear of Covid. Later, I saw online that he was at a huge party for his wife’s family, no masks in sight. When I confronted him, he blocked me and won’t return my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 147

Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 118

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 750

You deserved it 3 726

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 977

You deserved it 36 276

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 787

You deserved it 3 827