Sex

Ace in the hole

By anna - 15/05/2021 07:58

Today, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero desire for sex. I’m well into my 20s and not a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 183

Strange kind of ****

By Jeanine - 13/05/2021 20:01

Today, I had to admit to myself that recently my biggest kink was watching Sam Seder debate libertarians. My oh my, watching him dunk on them on YouTube gets me hot and bothered. This feels wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 883

It's a gas gas gas

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 10:01 - United States - Schertz

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 319

The Talk

By Ken - 10/05/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I asked my 13-year-old son if he thought he was mature enough for a talk about "the birds and the bees." His response was, "They fly, so what? Why would I care?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 928

You'll get some eventually

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 10:59 - China

Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 404

Risky business

By Sam - 07/05/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 145

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 22:01

Today, I'm 3 months pregnant and have seemingly started having sex dreams about other men. Last night, I had a passionate affair with an older man. Who was it? Joe Bastianich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 219

Whoops

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 07:01 - United Kingdom - Dewsbury

Today, I was asking my best friend to tell me all the boys she’d had sex with, because I thought she had slept with my boyfriend. She accidentally said my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 589

Perfect

By Julian - 05/05/2021 02:01

Today, according to my wife, our life together is perfect. The only problem is that I no longer turn her on, haven’t for a while, so she wants my permission to have meaningless one-night stands with strangers on Tinder while carrying on with our perfect, sexless married life together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 255

You deserved it 214

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 02:01

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 845

You deserved it 371

Soon…

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 17:01

Today, my 16 year-old nephew gave me advice on how to get laid. At age 30, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 324

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 300

Going well, isn't it

By theproblemboblem - 29/04/2021 14:00

Today, after weeks of begging my boyfriend of almost two years to have sex with me, he told me to find someone else to fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 310

Horndog

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 08:01

Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 119

Denied

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 23:01

Today, my fiancé decided that we shouldn't have sex before we get married. Even though we've been doing it for years. We can't get married right now due to Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 200

Great first date

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 08:08

Today, I went on a date. I didn’t want to go to his house, but we all have needs. I told him I should leave because I needed my medication in the morning. Passed out. Woke up, had a seizure, then made him go to my apartment to get my meds. This was a first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 647

Downhill from here

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 15:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I'm in a relationship in which the sex was great and constant at the beginning. Now it’s so quick, bad and inconsistent, it’s like going at it with a virgin who doesn’t even know how the clit works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 208

Nice try, Dave

By wtf Homer? - 21/04/2021 00:30

Today, my husband’s been dropping hints he wants to open our marriage. When I got home, a couple of his coworkers dropped by "for drinks". They tried to initiate group sex and figured I just needed to be talked into it. I was so mad, I couldn’t throw everyone out fast enough, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 266

You deserved it 210

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 1 436

Mr Selfish

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 11:00

Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 199

In flagrante delicto

By Matasha - 19/04/2021 23:00

Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 140

Indecent proposal

By Dude wtf - 19/04/2021 02:02

Today, a guy propositioned me for a threesome with his girlfriend. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he's knows I'm gay and have a boyfriend, or the fact that his girlfriend is my sister. He seemed confused as to why I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 147

Turntables

By Bill Mantie - 18/04/2021 02:00

Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has now lost hers. Oh, how the tables have turned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 156

Sounds like a keeper, actually

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 1 873

Couldn't have been that great

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 16:59 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 1 175

Frustrating!

By horny I’m so horny - 15/04/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 608

You deserved it 298

We were on a break!

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 17:01

Today, it's been two weeks since my girlfriend of many years and I decided to take a short break from each other. We'd been fighting a lot and felt like some space would help the situation. I found out today that, at some point during those two weeks, she decided to go and have sex with my (now ex) best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 300

Give it your best shot

By Staywidowed - 08/04/2021 23:00

Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked up with a male friend. I'm so out of practice, I honestly believe round-two the next morning was out of pity more than actual interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 227

Cranky

By Passive ass aggressor - 08/04/2021 02:00

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 7 966

Sex workers unite!

By not a fan - 07/04/2021 08:00 - United States

Today I’ve been called a prude, a misogynist, a controlling bastard and worse all because I have a problem with my girlfriend masturbating for strangers online. She has an OnlyFans and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 430

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, a girl I'd been crushing on for a little while and I were talking about autism. Some of the last words she said were "I try to not find autistic people so fucking annoying, but I can't help it. But can you blame me?” I'm autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 367

You deserved it 375

Today, my water broke. Due to Covid-19, we couldn't go straight to labor and delivery, so had to go to the emergency room and wait to be taken up. I sat there for an hour with a ruptured sac and contractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 138

Today, after my dad ran off 15 years ago, during which time my mom died, and I had to become my brother's legal guardian and somehow get both me and then him through university while working 4 jobs, my dad turned up on our street. He tried to flirt with me, because he didn’t recognise me. Scumbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 439

You deserved it 109

Today, I showed up to an important meeting 20 minutes late, claiming I couldn't find my keys. They were in my hand the whole time, and I realized it just as I reached for the doorknob. Everyone saw me pause mid-step, staring at my hand in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 467

Today, my boyfriend of 10 years has a beloved wife and a gun. I never even knew he was married or that he packed heat; others outed him. His response is not one of remorse but of self-righteousness and being outright mean to me, especially fun given my dad just died, and my uncaring mom attacks me for not supporting genocide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 300

Today, I might have ruined my co-worker's relationship with her fiancé, with whom I share a name, because we "work together too often" and now he doesn't know whose name she's saying during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 317

You deserved it 1 113