Love

Nice try, loverboy

By Gina - 08/04/2022 22:00

Today, my date cried because his mom recently died. Of course, I was sympathetic because I'm a nice person, but he tried to leverage my sympathy into a blowjob in the restaurant toilet. Since we "obviously weren't going to work as a real couple", it was apparently "the least I could do to make him feel better." Creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 473

You deserved it 207

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 14:00

Today, after I decided to see what would happen if I didn’t text my boyfriend first in the morning, I haven’t heard from him in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 357

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 05:00 - United Kingdom - Port Talbot

Today, I found out that the girl who I'm really into, and hoped to have a longer term relationship with, has caught threadworms, herpes, and COVID-19 from me. One way to get friendzoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 2 366

Twisted tenderness

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 16:00

Today, I found my husband on a dating app and I was gonna kick his ass, until I realised that would mean admitting I’m on the same app, so I deleted mine but now I need to figure out a way of explaining how I know he’s still on it, so I can kick his ass. We have a twisted relationship, I know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 2 503

Friends

By TheEpicWario - 07/04/2022 06:00

Today, my best friend confronted his girlfriend and I due to rumors of the two of us sleeping together. We had to spend half an hour explaining to him that when we "smash", it's the two of us playing Smash Brothers together at her place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 780

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 02:00

Today, I woke up to my mum on the phone telling her boss that she'd tested positive for Covid, which means I can’t see my girlfriend before she moves 6 hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 131

10 out of 10 for originality

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 350

You deserved it 3 337

**** ICE

By Anonymous - 06/04/2022 10:00

Today, I thought my girlfriend of two years had ghosted me. Turns out, she was deported after assuming that “this whole immigration thing will just sort itself out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 246

Is this a job interview?

By devdevdev - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 900

You deserved it 12 352

Dating pool hell

By AwkwardNotCute - 05/04/2022 19:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, I tried instant online video dating for the first time, after not having much luck on other dating sites. The first date was kind of awkward, and "ended" with a kind of fade out and I could hear her chatting with someone else. "Hella awkward." Fair enough. "But was he cute? - No." FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 146

The Brewers?

By Anonymous - 05/04/2022 14:00

Today, my mom is mad that she went clubbing and not one single guy offered to buy her a drink, but a couple of women did, which just pissed her off even more. I should point out the club she chose is the biggest gay club in our city, but then she’ll probably switch to being mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 112

Goddamn commies

By Pronouns - 05/04/2022 02:00

Today, my latest date told me to lose his number and never contact him again all because I have "pronouns" in my Instagram bio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 1 301

Love is Hell

By StraightAF - 05/04/2022 00:01

Today, I’ve been single for so long that my mom’s friends ask her if I’m a lesbian, all because I’m 35 and not married yet. Truth is, my last relationship fucked me up so bad that the thought of falling in love with someone again makes me physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 126

A little higher, dude

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 14:00

Today, I was laying in bed with my boyfriend. He started caressing me, his eyes were closed, and he said, “I love touching your boobs.” Which was actually a roll of fat on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 535

The grass is never actually greener

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 12:00

Today, I'm in a long-term relationship with a woman I love to bits, but I have a crush on a coworker. I've tried to brush it off, but it's only getting stronger. The worst part? I think she likes me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 1 157

Like the deserts miss the rain

By Unhappily Ever After - 03/04/2022 18:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, my wife of 18 years and I went to a party. We arrived and left separately, and didn't even talk to one another while there. I miss her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 244

Sweet dreams are made of these

By Anonymous - 03/04/2022 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my two favorite heterosexual female coworkers are cheating on their partners with one another. I kinda wish someone had invited me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 1 207

Mud bogging

By Anonymous - 03/04/2022 14:00

Today, my new boyfriend told me he was having a “swamp day”. Apparently, it’s a day where for some reason, no matter how thoroughly he wipes his ass, he will need to wipe it again every 30 minutes, as shit continually leaks out of him and turns his ass crack “swampy.” I think I threw up a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 165

Caught in 4K

By Gennifer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Hackensack

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 138

You deserved it 2 697

Just go

By Let's stay - 03/04/2022 06:00

Today, my husband wants to move to a different country, but I'm extremely happy and comfortable where I am. To be clear, he wants me to move abroad, while he stays back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 120

Keeping your options open

By Nick - 02/04/2022 19:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my girlfriend was swiping on Tinder and came across my active profile before confronting me. I'm not sure who's more in the wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 1 680

How could you?

By Horndog - 02/04/2022 18:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, a female friend, who I'm mildly into, was crying into my arms about how tough things have been for her. I'm so touch-starved that I got a boner as I hugged her. She noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 366

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 12:00

Today, I caught my wife with my brother. I demanded a divorce and, out of desperation, she claimed she thought it was me because we’re twins. We might be twins, but we’re dissimilar enough it’s obvious which is fucking which, plus he has both hands, whereas I left one of mine behind in fucking Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 725

You deserved it 138

Weird, huh?

By Sam - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out that the woman from My Strange Addiction who can't stop picking her scabs is married. I've been single for two years and I don't even pick my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 640

You deserved it 3 789

Trust issues

By George - 01/04/2022 16:00

Today, the only woman in my life who has been honest with me and will give me a straight answer is iPhone’s Siri. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 210

Guys night, woohoo!

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 06:00

Today, I asked my wife if I could go out for guys night. She said yes, and that it sounded so fun she decided to come too. Guys night was ruined. We couldn’t do anything without feeling her silently judging us. Guys night lasted two hours before they all left sober and pissed as hell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 2 622

Read the room

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 08:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I finally opened up to my roommates about when I came out as gay to my parents, and how I was beaten and disowned over it. One roommate saw this as the perfect time to hit on me, since he's also gay and thought I was hot, but wasn't sure if I swung that way. Glad he was so invested in me pouring my guts out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 288

Busted

By YoMamma68 - 31/03/2022 04:00

Today, my girlfriend texted me a screenshot of a bathing suit on a store’s website and asked for my opinion. I told her it wouldn’t look good. She then texted me a screenshot of me liking a picture of a friend on Facebook, wearing that same bathing suit, saying, “But on her it looks fine, right?” Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 3 593

Watching your prime go by

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 18:01 - United States - Verona

Today, I've reached the age as a sexless loser where my family no longer tells me to find a "single lady" but rather a "single mother". Thanks for reminding me everyone else had fun in their twenties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 241

What did I do?

By Gringo - 29/03/2022 22:00

Today, a gorgeous woman on a train told her friend she thought I was hot in Spanish, assuming I was a dumb gringo tourist. In fact, I speak Spanish fluently, my wife is Colombian, and she was standing right next to me. My wife can’t rationalize my street value, and made me sleep on the fold out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 258

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 951

You deserved it 9 861

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 870

You deserved it 1 044

Today, my ex showed up to pick up our kids in her brand new car. Last month child support doubled my amount because of a paperwork error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 045

You deserved it 359

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 712

You deserved it 3 453

Today, my ex-girlfriend was having lunch with my parents. Believing she was in love with me and feeling the same, I dropped by. My parents told me that she’s their friend and that she has a boyfriend that they approve of, all while telling me I was never good enough for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 619

You deserved it 4 894

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn't the ticket. It was my bra size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 841

You deserved it 32 279