Kids

By baldspot - 02/04/2012 05:38 - Australia

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

agreeclassic 28 997

vote type 1 2 889

By James - 30/03/2012 18:44 - United States

Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML

agreeclassic 28 234

vote type 1 5 208

By MDWilde - 30/03/2012 18:28 - United States - North Pole

Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML

agreeclassic 37 411

vote type 1 3 106

By azmom - 27/03/2012 17:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

agreeclassic 34 352

vote type 1 26 227

By ohhdear.___. - 26/03/2012 14:54 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

agreeclassic 33 505

vote type 1 5 478

By thammer - 24/03/2012 13:20 - United States - Appleton

Today, at my grandmother's funeral there was a fight about inheritance. It was my teenage daughters arguing about what they get when I die. FML

agreeclassic 29 915

vote type 1 3 052

By Confused - 23/03/2012 15:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

agreeclassic 37 155

vote type 1 5 430

By futuremum - 22/03/2012 17:14 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had to yet again tell my mother-in-law that I wasn't going to name my unborn baby "Ermintrude" after her late mother. My husband told me to stop being difficult, and that he agrees that it would be nice. FML

agreeclassic 35 410

vote type 1 2 579

By brooke - 21/03/2012 17:12 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

agreeclassic 12 185

vote type 1 69 498

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 12:21 - United States

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

agreeclassic 26 812

vote type 1 7 627

Little shit

By LadyJ - 21/03/2012 00:23 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I had to tell a parent about her son kicking a boy in his class. She blamed me for not watching him. I wasn't watching him because I was turned around to care for another boy he had hit right before that. FML

agreeclassic 30 734

vote type 1 2 139

ARE YOU ******* SORRY?

By Evelyn - 19/03/2012 20:18 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

agreeclassic 27 524

vote type 1 7 909

By FoodyFood - 19/03/2012 04:59 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

agreeclassic 23 073

vote type 1 14 741

By Redhead4life - 18/03/2012 00:48 - United States - Miami

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

agreeclassic 28 895

vote type 1 2 891

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 06:02 - United States

Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML

agreeclassic 11 381

vote type 1 24 240

By mikey51 - 10/03/2012 01:56 - Australia

Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML

agreeclassic 10 650

vote type 1 41 613

By Anonymous - 02/03/2012 08:30 - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old brat. He refused to eat his vegetables, so I forbade him from playing until they were finished. He stomped off upstairs, so I let him cool off for a couple of minutes. When I went upstairs, he had taken scissors to all of his mother's clothes. FML

agreeclassic 32 633

vote type 1 4 445

By Fairy31 - 01/03/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

agreeclassic 40 169

vote type 1 2 307

By unknown - 26/02/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML

agreeclassic 17 102

vote type 1 30 900

By whattabrat - 26/02/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

agreeclassic 36 105

vote type 1 3 305

By jj159 - 25/02/2012 18:40 - United States

Today, I found out that the money my husband and I gave to my son for university courses, has instead been spent on pole dancing lessons. FML

agreeclassic 30 115

vote type 1 3 764

By Joanne - 24/02/2012 13:26 - Australia

Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML

agreeclassic 30 279

vote type 1 3 440

By crzyry - 23/02/2012 03:49 - Canada

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

agreeclassic 37 672

vote type 1 3 134

By CamoElla - 19/02/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, while babysitting, one of the boys fell on an exposed pipe and broke it. It spewed water five feet into the air, spread water across four rooms, and completely soaked another of the boys. Their parents had only left fifteen minutes before. FML

agreeclassic 27 694

vote type 1 3 225

By thatoneperson - 17/02/2012 12:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

agreeclassic 27 440

vote type 1 5 909

By TiredMom - 16/02/2012 21:42 - United States

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

agreeclassic 29 981

vote type 1 10 103

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

agreeclassic 35 880

vote type 1 4 979

By MC Turtledick - 15/02/2012 01:28 - United States

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

agreeclassic 29 762

vote type 1 2 169

By ShylaMarie - 14/02/2012 22:29 - Canada

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

agreeclassic 29 549

vote type 1 2 934

By Username - 13/02/2012 21:31 - India

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

agreeclassic 25 923

vote type 1 4 805

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Today, my long-term boyfriend still does not want to get married and file our taxes jointly, but rather wants to claim me as a “dependent” so he gets a bigger refund. FML

agreeclassic 410

vote type 1 147

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

agreeclassic 46 103

vote type 1 17 553

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

agreeclassic 5 095

vote type 1 657

Today, I was icing an injured foot with a frozen water bottle as the doctor directed me. When I was done, I picked the bottle up and immediately dropped it on the same injured foot, which is now swollen and bruised. FML

agreeclassic 21 796

vote type 1 4 764

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

agreeclassic 33 092

vote type 1 3 613

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

agreeclassic 25 595

vote type 1 2 392