Intimacy

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 06:42 - France - Cateri

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

agreeclassic 33 593

vote type 1 2 201

By Magnus_the_Red - 09/09/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to "ruin my innocence." FML

agreeclassic 25 639

vote type 1 3 991

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

agreeclassic 1 355

vote type 1 7 404

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

agreeclassic 1 558

vote type 1 226

By CutieBooty - 22/02/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

agreeclassic 24 423

vote type 1 35 793

Eye bleach

By Anonymous - 06/11/2023 12:00

Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML

agreeclassic 201

vote type 1 451

By rejected4555 - 03/08/2012 12:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

agreeclassic 31 195

vote type 1 6 330

By Langdon - 15/05/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

agreeclassic 58 803

vote type 1 9 626

Check these out!

By Imdeadalready - 10/07/2023 18:02 - United States - Portage

Today, I meant to send a nice picture of the flowers my boyfriend got me set up in a vase on my nightstand. Turns out I sent it to his mom. My vibrator was in the shot. I'm mortified. FML

agreeclassic 356

vote type 1 953

By nazirah4shizzle - 15/05/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

agreeclassic 39 465

vote type 1 3 498

Pissed off

By Pissed - 29/09/2022 00:01

Today, I found out a recent hook-up, who’d pounded the fuck out of me until I came all over didn’t get uncomfortable and ghost me “because he was just a fuck boy.” It was probably because a noticeable, large part of the sweat/squirt spot on my bed after, was actually my own piss, I just didn’t smell it. FML

agreeclassic 1 213

vote type 1 1 341

By Anonymous - 23/09/2011 10:41 - United States

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

agreeclassic 44 414

vote type 1 13 066

By guess28 - 14/07/2009 18:19 - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

agreeclassic 50 794

vote type 1 20 843

Turn of phrase

By MiniJeans - 30/04/2015 02:25 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

agreeclassic 37 327

vote type 1 12 312

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

agreeclassic 27 491

vote type 1 7 715

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 07:29 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML

agreeclassic 23 903

vote type 1 1 889

Smooth talking

By ...thanks honey - 18/08/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

agreeclassic 54 700

vote type 1 15 076

By whorecrux - 02/07/2013 03:37 - United States - Newark

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

agreeclassic 50 962

vote type 1 9 859

Gotcha

By Embarassed - 23/11/2012 06:14 - United States - Kent

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

agreeclassic 54 938

vote type 1 16 005

Red handed

By grandpa porn - 28/08/2017 01:30

Today, while I was walking to the kitchen, I heard someone on the TV moaning. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw my grandfather quickly change the channel and lean forward. I'm 90% sure I caught my grandpa watching porn. FML

agreeclassic 3 760

vote type 1 383

What is he hiding?

By Wtf - 04/10/2025 20:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he had any secret sexual fantasies and promised that I wouldn't judge him, hoping to scratch my kinky itch. He looked at me wide-eyed, yelled, "IT'S A TRAP!!" and literally sprinted out of the room. FML

agreeclassic 270

vote type 1 191

By penisgrabber - 15/12/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML

agreeclassic 36 505

vote type 1 7 088

By Anonymous - 25/02/2018 13:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, my younger brother, who still lives in our parents' basement and has never held a job in his life, announced that his girlfriend is pregnant with their third child. I'm a college graduate living on my own and I've never even had sex. FML

agreeclassic 5 773

vote type 1 798

My house, my rules

By lordoftheweird - 06/01/2024 06:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to make a house rule for my extended family who live with me: No more incestuous sex. FML

agreeclassic 612

vote type 1 146

Romance isn't dead

By budda1368 - 09/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

agreeclassic 2 252

vote type 1 1 296

By eeh - 07/05/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

agreeclassic 30 656

vote type 1 103 537

By Vincent - 02/01/2014 05:04 - United States - Overland Park

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

agreeclassic 53 156

vote type 1 8 340

By fmysexlife - 27/07/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

agreeclassic 58 665

vote type 1 15 453

By fml - 02/02/2011 09:48

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

agreeclassic 40 096

vote type 1 6 132

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I finally got the cast off my leg after being unable to walk for 6 weeks, watching daytime TV or playing my husband's Xbox all day. The second the plaster came off, I tried to stand up, tripped over the doctor's foot and broke the apparently still not fully healed leg again in the same spot. FML

agreeclassic 1 140

vote type 1 247

Today, I was written up at work for "leering at my boss". I'm so sorry for having my eyes sore due to lack of sleep. FML

agreeclassic 805

vote type 1 134

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

agreeclassic 27 428

vote type 1 5 661

Today, I was let go from work because they need "younger people". I'm 19 and I work at a flower market. FML

agreeclassic 44 612

vote type 1 3 330

Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML

agreeclassic 503

vote type 1 129

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

agreeclassic 37 321

vote type 1 28 822