Cancer

One upper

By help - 13/06/2023 03:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my friend (she's 14) said she had lung cancer. This made me and my other friend very worried for her, but now we know she was faking it since when she was "at the hospital" she was at a friend's house, and her mom came to the school to confirm she was faking the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 111

Unfair

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 00:00

Today, I got demoted at work and had a pay cut taken, all because I got sick from cancer and haven't recovered well enough to do every task. We are not short staffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 117

Empty gesture

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 05:44 - Canada - London

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 009

You deserved it 1 803

Deez Nuts

By ALittleLighter - 14/09/2021 05:00

Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 80

Get well soon

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 11:03

Today, I found out I have aggressive brain cancer, then my girlfriend dumped me because, as she put it, if I’m going to be dead in a year anyway, she might as well move on now so as not to waste her time. I knew she was evil, it’s what I loved about her, but man, this is low even for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 527

Adding insult to injury

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 05:00 - United States - Overland Park

Today, it's not bad enough that I'm fighting stage 4 colorectal cancer, and that I'm 3 weeks out of colostomy surgery, during the night, it came unhooked from my body in my sleep. I woke up to the smell of shit, and I was covered in dried shit, glued to my sheets. It made it through 2 'waterproof' mattress protectors, to the expensive foam mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 99

New look

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, it's the 3-month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 971

You deserved it 11 083

Healthcare for all!

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, it's one of the many monotonous days I have endured in this damn third world country after I found out that my dad had cancer and we moved here for his treatment. My skin condition has spread all over my body from the stress, so I constantly feel absolutely repulsed by my own reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 145

Get up!

By Casino - 02/04/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 484

You deserved it 102 505

This blows

By Katie B - 23/09/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Lincoln

Today, I received a rejection email from a brain cancer research charity to be a junior graphic designer with them. I'd forgotten about the application with them because after I applied, my dad became unwell and got diagnosed with incurable brain cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 67

Bad sign

By Anonymous - 24/02/2022 02:01

Today, I found out that a girl I had been seeing for two months used her having a brain tumor as an excuse to break up with me. She said she wouldn’t feel good for three months because of treatment, but then a month into "treatment", she posted a picture on a date with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 145

Thanks, I feel better!

By Neal - 10/08/2022 13:00 - United States - Northport

Today, my dad told me, in the form of a soliloquy, to have a better attitude about death and dying. I have terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 110

The eternal argument

By Annoyed atheist - 07/05/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I was watching the episode of New Amsterdam where a man's cancer goes into remission very abruptly. As the doctors wonder how the hell that's possible, my mom says, "God." Okay. So if this "God" controls what happens to your body, why is cancer still a thing? My mom is no longer religious. She's delusional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 305

Check yourself out

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I resorted to trying to guilt trip my husband into getting his prostate checked. He asked for one good reason why he should, so I said because he has two kids who don’t want to see him get prostate cancer. His response, "Nope, not good enough, now leave me alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 186

Fairweather friends

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 14:00 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad is terminally ill from bone cancer. It’s been 2 months and not even one of my so-called friends have asked me how I’m doing or how my parents are doing. They do however contact me when they need something. I have always been there for them - guess I was a fool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 138

A huge mess of stuff

By GreatWeek - 30/05/2022 17:01 - United States - Dighton

Today, I had to help one of my best friends while he was having a seizure. Earlier this morning my longtime girlfriend broke up with me. Oh, and also earlier this week I found out my other best friend has cancer. Lord take me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 122

Go fund me not

By Danny28 - 27/11/2022 18:00

Today, I discovered that, according to her primary doctor, my mom never had cancer. That explains why she has the new iPhone, a plethora of designer purses, and a brand new Tesla. Turns out, I’ve been fueling her shopping spree habit, rather than her “cancer and chemotherapy treatments.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 138

The big C

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had an offer for a job, and was going to receive the offer letter… only if I would postpone my oncologist appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 93

Ironic

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 16:00

Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 111

Fingers crossed

By lukey101 - 05/11/2023 21:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I saw a dermatologist to see if they would remove my moles for cosmetic reasons. Turns out 5 of them are suspicious and need to be removed anyway. Good news: I don’t have to pay for it. Bad news: it might be because they’re cancerous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 122

Escapism

By ChemoInReno - 26/06/2024 04:00 - Australia - Point Piper

Today, I am still recovering after my second round of chemotherapy. You’d think I’d be able to rest instead of making lunch and dinner for our kids, and cleaning the house. But no, my wife says that would mess up her day. Which is centred around an 8-hour M*A*S*H marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 111

Honest mistake

By YahItsMe94 - 25/06/2009 07:20 - United States

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 867

You deserved it 61 964

Jumbled up

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 06:00 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I still haven't met my SO’s traditional Indian parents, even though we have been together for 3 years, they just pretend I don’t exist. Today I also found out that my SO’s mom has cancer. I'm trying to be there for him, but he keeps pushing me away. He literally said he doesn’t know about our relationship now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 214

Punchline man

By Anonymous - 09/07/2022 06:00

Today, thanks to the hormone treatments for my cancer, I have gained so much weight I am now officially the punchline for “How does a fat man find his penis? With a mirror on a stick and an erection.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 164

Sanity

By Anonymous - 02/04/2023 16:00

Today, my wife has cancer but rather than go to hospital like a sane person, she has started going to church as often as possible, even though in the history of mankind I can’t remember a single instance where praying to some statue with a cross has ever cured cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 1 154

Trickery

By Patryce - 15/04/2026 18:00 - United States

Today, my doctor inadvertently let the cat out of the bag that I don’t have cancer in front of my husband. I’d told him I had cancer to stop him from leaving me for his colleague who he’s absolutely moonstruck over. When we got home, he gave me the silent treatment. He went out and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 837

Freeloader

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 21:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that I have at least stage 3 cancer. I went on my insurance's website to get information for the doctors. I also saw "Other people who have been on your plan." My ex-wife was listed, with a new last name. She got remarried. I'm just going to let the cancer take me at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 112

Happy New Year, maybe

By boardAtTheHospital - 01/01/2022 05:00

Today, I'm home alone and it blows, especially since my wife has to stay at the hospital to get chemo, and I can't stay with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 122

Nosferatu

By Kristache - 02/07/2009 08:31 - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 310

You deserved it 16 405

Understandably so

By Sleepless in Fremantle - 27/02/2022 06:01 - Australia

Today, after having insomnia and also being constantly woken in the middle of the night by spam texts, I turned my notifications off and fell asleep, forgetting I had done so - until a few days later when I discovered my friends two day-old text telling me he has incurable cancer. I've apologized profusely, but he’s ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 208

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The Top

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 219

You deserved it 9 424

Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 911

You deserved it 3 511

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I like, but I had to pee really bad. It got really wet down there, and he thought I squirted. I peed everywhere. I let him believe he made me squirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 410

You deserved it 767

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 118

Today, as I got out of the shower, my young stepson saw me naked. Later, he asked his mom why my "pee pee" is so small when everyone says it is supposed to get bigger when you become an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 158

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 309

You deserved it 56 474