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No worries, he's okay now. :) Later on in the day, he laughed about it and thought it was pretty hilarious, which is good because I felt pretty bad about biting him.

By Thesuz - 06/09/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 669

You deserved it 3 326

By Hairball - 10/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 668

You deserved it 3 162

Yaaaaaay!

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 667

You deserved it 4 544

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 666

You deserved it 5 010

Lonely birthday

By anon - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 665

You deserved it 13 536

By apple - 16/07/2010 19:38 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 665

You deserved it 6 280

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 25/12/2013 23:19 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I realized my family is more excited to see my girlfriend than they are to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 664

You deserved it 4 277

By cinemasaddo - 25/09/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 661

You deserved it 3 562

By loner - 12/02/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 661

You deserved it 4 205

By raebelle - 02/06/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 660

You deserved it 10 779

By Anonymous - 01/08/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 659

You deserved it 18 341

By damnbananas - 24/01/2011 20:38 - United States

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 659

You deserved it 4 353

By ari - 17/06/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 659

You deserved it 3 027

Thanks

By Appelflap - 29/03/2013 22:18 - Belgium - Sint-niklaas

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 659

You deserved it 2 815

By LiLGeek - 12/01/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldn’t find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 658

You deserved it 9 220

By lpspann87 - 25/04/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I moved to Florida because I have poor circulation and need to be in a warm environment. The first day at my new job, I discovered my co-worker is an overweight man who wears a wool suit every day, and insists on keeping the office chilled to 65 degrees. I can't feel my fingers or toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 658

You deserved it 3 650

By diskdude13 - 15/10/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished, she said "You're so funny!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 657

You deserved it 6 439

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 370

You deserved it 4 220

Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 824

You deserved it 3 791

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 709

You deserved it 2 285

Today, I finally told my parents I'm trans. My dad started crying and told me he loved me no matter what. My mother threw a chair at me, and told my dad it was his "wife-like" behaviour that made me this way. She then prayed out loud for an hour for God to send her a real husband and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 608

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 829

You deserved it 4 579

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 101

You deserved it 6 313