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The all-time greatest FMLs

By sophhiee - 05/11/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's house for a party. I was trying to strike up a conversation with one of my cute guy friends, so I showed him this funny picture of me that my friend took. His reply was "Hahahaa those Fatbooth pictures are hilarious!" It wasn't a Fatbooth picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 770

You deserved it 7 217

By ScottyB - 22/12/2014 08:05 - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 768

You deserved it 6 639

Can't take the heat?

By moron - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 763

You deserved it 7 632

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. Then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him, giving me the evil eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 761

You deserved it 2 834

Independence day

By independence - 07/07/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents' house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 758

You deserved it 3 621

By Zamaria - 02/10/2009 22:23 - France

Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 757

You deserved it 3 365

By epistaxis - 29/01/2009 02:31 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 757

You deserved it 3 966

Toxic masculinity = No housework

By sigh - 24/11/2011 19:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got upset after I politely asked him to do the laundry. He takes every chance he gets to act macho and brag to people about how he's in the Marines, but apparently he is too much of a pussy to act like a man and clean his own clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 755

You deserved it 6 650

By Allenburg - 18/01/2009 01:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 755

You deserved it 7 545

Ahem

By Bucko321 - 30/03/2009 01:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 753

You deserved it 78 374

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 752

You deserved it 3 881

By sandwichmaker - 17/07/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 752

You deserved it 3 425

Disbelief

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 751

You deserved it 3 194

By esbemebe1113 - 27/03/2013 21:12 - United States - Cartersville

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 751

You deserved it 4 264

esbemebe1113 tells us more.

esbemebe1113 6

Friday 29 March 2013 1:40

Hi, this is OP. I loved all of your comments and read every single one. I couldn't believe this got on the site! Thanks to number #22: I loved you're comment and made me feel loads better. I love that everyone was so understanding. What's strange is that although I am a painfully awkward, I usually just get really red when I have to talk to the class. Thankfully I have a lot of good friends in real life to comfort me. (and a few new internet ones!) Thanks for finding my life entertaining!

By HeSaysImNoBeard - 26/11/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 750

You deserved it 7 852

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost two years proposed to me. Everything was perfect. The ring was beautiful. And seconds after I said yes, he went to play his new Xbox game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 750

You deserved it 8 026

Highlight of the week

By Tyler - 06/05/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I work at McDonald's. The entire crew, myself included, got visibly excited that we had new trash cans and dust pans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 749

You deserved it 7 956

By Anonymous - 28/11/2012 06:32 - United States - Madison

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 747

You deserved it 3 399

Poundtown

By fukinlonely - 12/01/2015 12:53 - United Kingdom

Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 745

You deserved it 4 222

Nice to know, thanks

By Annie - 16/10/2010 08:20 - India

Today, I was having a romantic conversation with my boyfriend under the stars. He said, "You know how there are people who are beautiful on the inside and people who are beautiful on the outside? Yeah, well you're one of those 'inside' people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 744

You deserved it 4 623

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 743

You deserved it 3 078

By 19collegestudentandpregant - 26/09/2014 22:07 - United States - Loretto

Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 743

You deserved it 7 209

By hoolabaloo - 08/03/2013 03:53 - India - Ahmadabad

Today, I finally got the courage to confess my feelings to the guy I have loved for a year now in a long note. He called half an hour later and said, "I'm not going to read this crap, just tell me what it says". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 741

You deserved it 8 097

By pencilring - 04/09/2010 14:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 737

You deserved it 14 347

By _philliesfan - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was prioritizing my extreme amount of homework. I read over the front page of my psychology paper seeing that it was pretty easy questions, I decided to do it last. Little did I know there was a 8 page essay on the back of the page. It's 12:19 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 737

You deserved it 21 169

Distance makes the heart grow further away

By Dead_Eye - 27/09/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I turned down an invite to a huge private party that is rarely given to freshmen in college, because I felt bad that I hadn't had a chance to talk to my girlfriend in a couple of days. I called her a couple of hours later. She answered with, "Hey, I'm at a party. I will call you tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 736

You deserved it 21 109

Freaky

By death bed - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 735

You deserved it 2 558

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 8 070

By Cheap N Happy - 17/02/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I went out on a first date. He insisted we go to McDonald's and split a Happy Meal because he "didn't want to waste any money on a first date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 4 567

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 730

You deserved it 5 256

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Today, I came home to a complete asshole. I didn't remember it was the anniversary of his late wife's death. from like 2009, whom I never met. The same ass who got mad at me for being sad for too long because my dad died last July. BTW, after I finally fix my credit, I'm out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 306

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 118

You deserved it 7 777

Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his roommate. It's been 45 minutes and it's still going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 035

You deserved it 5 577

Today, I offered my boyfriend medicine which is quite likely to help with his pollen allergy and other health problems, free of charge, and without side effects. I also pointed out an easy fix to keep the pollen out of his apartment. He said, “No thanks” to both, and just kept on complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 151

Today, after getting wrongfully terminated from my job, I was told that I would get my severance pay on this date. Since I was fired due to the new owners being ableist and ageist, I expected that they wouldn't send it, as a final "fuck you" to me. I was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 188

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 135

You deserved it 3 570